I'm going to be happy.
Looking into the crystal ball that is sitting on my desk, I can see myself at 40.
I'll be happy, in love and loved. There will be someone in my life who appreciates and wants me. Someone who reads my blog in awe (there must be awe) and is my biggest fan.
Chad will call before coming over for our weekly family dinners and ask if he should pick up drinks. I'll tell him to grab a loaf of bread while he's at it and ask if he's bringing someone.
The kids will be happy, adjusted and so loved that they'll look at "nuclear" families with something akin to pity. "Their families are so small!"
I'll be successful. My book will have a publisher, I'll have an agent, there will be buzz about Anne Hathaway starring in the movie version.
I can see it all.
I know, without a doubt, that I'll look back at this time in my life as painful and confusing and the thing that made me who I will be. I'll remember the bad dates and creepy emails and laugh that they made good fodder for a book. I'll get a tug in my heart when I remember the feeling of hopelessness that formed a lump in my throat and an ache in my stomach.
Then, I'll look at my life and be happy.
I know all this as if I had an actual crystal ball on my desk. I know it because I can't imagine my life not being good.
I just wish I could skip this part and get to that happy bit now.
Because this part? Right now?
It's not very fun.
16 comments:
Watching Glee a la Netflix now, stopped to check in and saw your post and the two...Glee & this, go together hand and hand. I'm sure you'll find your happiness and that not only will your creativities be published by then, but it's your creativity that will see you through it. And in the meantime, we'll all keep smiling for you, until you can get your happy on, a little more easily. :>
If you build it, my friend... SO much love to you!
I think anyone with any type of dream, divorced or not, has feelings like this. "Let's get to the good part!" I know that you know, but nothing in life worth having ever comes easy. However, you can't forget the blessings you have today. My buddhist thought of the day on my google homepage today was:
"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful."
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how you feel - not in this exact situation, per se, but wanting to get over the bad stuff and get to the good stuff. I see a fantastic future for myself as well - and for you, because I know your good times are just around the corner. You'll make it happen.
You will have your time, your happiness, your dreams. Think about all of these other than pleasant moments as things that you can write about in the future, things that you can use to inspire your passion, inspire your voice. Sending you hugs!
*hugs*
You definitely deserve all that!
And there will be much awe!!!
There'd better be!
Thanks, lady. I know you know. And I know that someday this will all work out.
Did you ever see that movie "Click"? I wish I had a fast forward button to get through all this. But then I'd miss the good that's hanging out with the bad.
I really, really like that quote and it's so true.
Maybe I should get a buddhist thought for the day...
Or if I write it...
Thank you, friend.
Sharon has been "spot on" for the readings she's done for other family members... the hard part WILL pass! Remember ~ this is your Renaissance year... embrace your "rebirth" and figuring out who you are, what you want, and what makes you happy!
Sending hugs...
Oh Anne Hathaway would be a perfect Ellie! And then you'll need maybe Kate Hudson or Olivia Wilde to play Honey. And Carrie should be that girl that played Wanda on Big Love. I can see it all too, girl. You are going to be happy and successful and amazing. Don't you worry!
I know that this too wil pass, for you, because you have so much to offer; the world, your children, your friends (blogging and otherwise) that this bad stuff may feel like a test, not be much fun, but it's going to be the PAST soon enough
Never doubt the AMAZING person you are, the Phenomenal things you bring to all of us just by being YOU. I know it's hard now, but My prayer is that what you see in the Crystal Ball is closer than you ever imagined.
xox
Hugs to you, my amazing friend..
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