"I'm really tired."
"So am I, but it's been months and, well," she lowered her voice, "I want you."
"Sweetheart," Todd ran his hands through his hair.
"What?"
"I -" Todd stopped, searching for words. "I love you."
"I love you too, silly." Carrie stood and walked to where Todd sat in the recliner. She sat on his lap, running her fingers across his chest and over his shoulders. Closing her eyes, she leaned forward and softly kissed his lips. He didn't respond. Sitting back, she frowned. "What's wrong?"
"I'm really not in the mood."
"You're always in the mood."
"I'm not in the mood now." Frustrated, he pushed her off his lap and stood up.
"Todd. It's been almost five months," she whispered, confused.
"I know how long it's been."
"We haven't made love since before Emily was born."
"I know. I know." Todd stalked to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, staring blindly inside.
"Is it," Carrie swallowed the lump of rejection, "me? Every time I try to make love to you, you find a reason to say no."
Sighing, Todd closed the door and joined her on the couch. Taking her hands in his, he met her eyes. "I love you, sweetheart. I'm just...I'm just having a hard time thinking of you that way."
"What way?"
"I can't think of you as a lover right now. I look at you and I see a mom."
"But I'm still me," Carrie whispered.
"I'm not explaining this right," he dropped her hands and ran his fingers through is hair again.
"No." Carrie surged to her feet. "No. You're not."
"Don't get upset."
"You're not attracted to me," Carrie accused, hating the sharpness of her voice.
"It's not that."
"It seems like it is that," she said bitterly.
"Fine. Fine!" Jumping to his feet, Todd paced in front of her. "You want me to tell the truth? You don't look like the woman I married." He flung his arm in her direction. "You don't fix your hair. You walk around in my T-shirts all day and you don't run or do yoga anymore. Your body looks different. It looks..." Todd stopped at the stricken look on Carrie's face.
"Who is she?"
"What?"
"Who," Carrie pushed against his chest. "is she?!"
"What are you talking about?" Todd's face closed.
"You promised me! You swore it was a one-time thing!"
"Sweetheart," Todd began.
"Don't you sweetheart me. Who." Carries pushed. "Is." She pushed again. "She?"
"Look, let's just go to bed," Todd reached to hug her.
"Don't touch me." She jerked away, tears welling in her eyes. "Don't touch me until you can tell me the truth," Carrie choked back a sob. "I thought we'd left that all behind in Vegas."
"She's no one," Todd dropped his gaze.
"Are you sleeping with her?"
"No." His left eye twitched.
"You bastard," Carrie hissed. "You lying fucking bastard. Get out! Get out of my house!"
Todd reached for her. The sound of the slap cracked in the room. Carrie's palm stung. "Get. Out."
Todd reached for his jacket, a red mark appearing on his cheek. "Call me when you can talk like an adult," he said coldy, slamming the door behind him.
Carrie stared, her vision narrowing, the ticking clock loud in the silence. She turned and saw the couch they'd bought after Vegas, her half empty glass of wine and a wedding picture mocking her from the wall.
"Oh my God," With a groan she collapsed to the floor. Curling in a ball, she pressed her fist to her mouth to mute her sobs.
This was a work of fiction inspired by The Red Dress Club prompt to describe a fight. It's part of a larger story that can be found in Fictional Mandyland. I don't usually use such harsh language, but, writing this, I think it pretty much describes Todd. He's such a jerk.Concrit is, as always, welcome.
22 comments:
I have to agree with you that Todd is indeed a jerk. I would have really like to know more about that smack (and would like to give him a few myself) but I love "Carrie's palm stung." So true!! it was a great visual.
"carrie stared, her vision narrowing, the ticking clock loud in the silence." Beautiful visual!!
Why does she press her fist to her mouth? That's the only thing I didn't really get. He's left, is she afraid to wake the baby? Is she scared of her own sobs?
I hope there will be more to this.
Way to rock the fight scene, Mandy.
He so had it coming. And at least now Henry doesn't have to be the one to tell Carrie.
Though I imagine there'll be a row when Ellie figures out Henry knew...
Well Todd sure is a piece of work! I was so mad reading this post....and then for him to blame her, her body!
You did a nice job w/ this because right now I just want to punch Todd.
Veeeery nice. And I like the salty language. I'm a rebel like that :)
Oooooh, this is such a good story. Todd. GRR!!!
Hey! That's supposed to say MiMi!
Oh no! So sad. Love the line about her wedding photo mocking her from the wall. Awesome imagery. I hope Todd gets his one of these days.
Awww...poor Carrie. Todd's such a jerk. You really did a great job with this - the dialogue is great, and you really convey Carrie's emotions very clearly.
I feel like this is my favorite soap or something ;)
Another chapter to their story and you've left me curious about their past. And the language felt quite appropriate. I could feel her horror, her rage. You might have a lot on your plate right now, but you're a woman who can write!
Loved (well, not for Carrie's sake, but it was just a few words that wrapped up everything) the bit about the wedding picture 'mocking' her.
Great job, Mandy!
What an ass Todd is. You portrayed him perfectly. And Carrie's reactions feel spot-on. Loved it!
Excellent character development and crisp dialogue (as always in Mandyland ;) )
One part I especially enjoyed:
"Is it," Carrie swallowed the lump of rejection, "me? Every time I try to make love to you, you find a reason to say no."
I loved the way you used the structure of the sentence to make your reader pause along with Carrie, and really join her in that moment as she feels rejected and pushes past it to have the hard conversation.
If I were to push your writing, I would say focus on your adjectives. You use them sparingly (which I like!) so when you do it draws attention. When Todd finally cut off his rant, you described Carrie "stricken," but she struck me as being more angry than injured the following sentence.
I love the way you connected the objects in the room with the Vegas trip - very nice! She is living with this betrayal in so many ways!!
A great read, as always!
Wow. Powerful. Painful. Intense. I can HEAR this fight. I can SEE their faces. Amazing work, Mandy.
Excellent. I loved it. Your slap was so much more powerful than mine! ;) it was strong, emotional and so much more. Really great part of the story. Loved it, and the language, too.
Oh so good.
Not only do I want to know more about what happens here but I want to know back story and his side!!
Loved this. Genius.
Jerk. This makes me angry inside. You wrote it so well like that. ;) It's unfortunately, so real.
This was very well written. I could "kind of" feel bad for Todd because I can get where he might be coming from if he actually WAS upset Carrie had let herself go and was being "just a mom"
But the info that there had been infidelity? Damn, what an ass. I love the tension and you described the fight fabulously. His parting comment about acting like and adult made me loathe him.
Mandy, I am SO loving this story! I get excited whenever I see a new installment pop up!
I didn't think the language was harsh at all, and certainly fell right in the lines of appropriate. Conversely, I did want to reach through my computer screen and slap him again, just for good messure. Jerk.
I loved the 'sweetheart, don't sweetheart me, lines, because I really felt like I could hear them. And even though the entire piece is dialogue right until the very end, I really felt that I was standing in the room, and because of that it wasn't a comfortable read.
Nicely done, as usual!
Jerk is not a strong enough word to describe him - but I'll keep my language appropriate.
You are an amazing writer. I love this piece.. and will be going over to Fictional Mandyland to read more.
Great job! This was a fantastic piece of fiction that is unfortunately all too real. I wish this didn't happen all the time all over the world, but it does.
So sad. You totally drew me in from the beginning. I could feel her pain at being rejected. What a hard and horrible scenario. Well done!
I loved this. It sparkled and was crisp and full of vinegar and fireworks. Todd's jerkness was in full display. The part about her body changing was TOO BRUTAL for words. Jerk.
I would cut the "frustrated" and "confused" dialogue tags in the upper part of the story. They "tell" a little too much for me. Especially when you use so many fine showing details, like Todd staring blankly into the fridge and her fist crumbling up her sob.
Nice job, Mandy.
Post a Comment