The voices didn't sound familiar. That was unusual. I knew every person in this hick town. I'd been born here, gone to school here but God help me if I was going to settle here. I was made for something more, something bigger. And the second I saved the money I needed, I was packing my car and heading to New York.
Leaning slightly to the side, I peeked behind the colorful boxes catching a glimpse of the women.
Just my luck. I rolled my eyes. The hippie and the cook, in the flesh. The both of them were so smug, so knowing. Carrie with her fancy French cooking degree. And that red head! She smelled like California - sunshine and oranges. The two of them walked around town like they owned the place.
I nudged a box of oatmeal out of the way to get a better look.
Of course they'd brought the baby! It was the talk of the town. You'd think the two of them had saved an orphanage full of kids the way people acted. It wasn't like they'd done anything special. I had helped my own mama birth two babies. Of course, people don't care much when those babies are born in two room shacks. But have it at a fancy ranch - sorry, farm stay. I rolled my eyes again. Have a baby there and people act like you are the heroes of the county.
I couldn't quite make out their words. That red head was laughing over something Carrie said. What was her name again? Something awful. Something old-fashioned. Eleanor. With a name like that, she didn't deserve to live in California.
Bored, I continued walking down the aisle, my heels keeping time with the country music playing over the radio. I reached the end and started to turn right. I paused. A small smile played over my lips. I didn't dare. Did I?
Turning left I sashayed down the next aisle, swinging my hips. I thrust my boobs out front, loving their perkiness against the sweater everyone thought was cashmere.
"Why hello, Carrie!" I stretched my lips in a full smile. I wondered if her black hair was from a bottle.
"Hi, Honey," she looked at me with a friendly grin. Idiot. "Have you met Ellie?"
"No, I haven't. I'm Honey." I extended a slim hand, enclosing Ellie's slightly freckled one. I stood for a minute, chatting with the women, admiring the baby. "Well, I've got to get going. I need to get home to my mom."
Carrie gave me a sympathetic look. "How's she doing?"
"The same," I swallowed back the lump in my throat. "The doctors say it's a matter of weeks." I didn't like to think of Mama dying. I didn't like to think about the piles of medical bills that had eaten my Escape Fund.
"If you need anything," Carrie started.
"Don't worry. We're good." I interrupted. "I'll see you around."
As I walked away, I heard Carrie whisper, "Poor thing. She and Todd used to date back in high school. He said she's been taking care of her mom for seven years now. Cancer."
I forced a brittle smile. That little black-haired bitch stole Todd. I had planned to move with him to Vegas. Then Mama got sick. Next thing I knew, he'd up and married some little Betty Crocker he'd met in a casino. I used to imagine she was a stripper.
I glanced over my shoulder.
Not with that body.
I kept walking, my heels marking my way to the register. I laughed. I wondered what ol' Betty would think if she knew her husband still had a taste for Honey.
This was a fictional post inspired by The Red Dress Club prompt: Imagine someone who gets under your skin and write a first person post from that individual's perspective.
It was tougher than I thought! While the Carrie/Todd/Honey storyline has been brewing for a while, I wasn't sure if now was a good time to introduce it. I decided to throw caution to the wind and go for it.
If you would like to read more about these characters, visit Fictional Mandyland. And a special shout out to Kelly for helping me switch out my pronouns. Long story.
Concrit is welcome as usual.
56 comments:
Ohhh I love a good drama story! I can't wait to read when she finds out he still has a taste for honey!
Straight out of the pages of a novel I may or may not be too embarrassed to admit I read (scandalous and what not) Loved it Mandy!~
Oh! I loved this different perspective. It was very well done. It was interesting because you made the character sympathetic as well which I wasn't expecting.
Gasp, scandal! I think it worked well, tweaking it to first person. And you offered both her not so pleasant character traits, as well as her motivations. So much can go on in a small town grocery store, huh?! Looks like we'll be hearing more about Carrie, Todd, and his Honey on the side. ;>
Yikes! Good story. I feel bad for Honey and kinda sad for Carrie who didn't do anything but marry a man she'd met on a trip. You did a good job with the characters.
Bet that fancy farm stay has a shotgun or two. Just saying. Accidents happen ;)
Nicely thrown curve Ms. Mandy.
People always talk about farm stays when there is money involved.
I feel so bad for Carrie!!
I may or may not read the same sort of novels. (I do.)
Thank you! I don't think there are too many truly evil people out there. While I may think what she's doing is awful, there are reasons behind it.
I think the more awful person in this scenario is Todd. :(
Great drama! And while Honey is obnoxious, I felt sorry for her in the end.
Total scandal! Poor Carrie. And, in a way, I feel sorry for Honey too.
Thanks! It was a different way of writing for me. My characters are usually...nicer. It was actually kind of fun to write mean. :)
Or maybe three? ;)
Thank you, partner!
Totally.
"...God help me if I was going to settle here. I was made for something more, something bigger. And the second I saved the money I needed, I was packing my car and heading to New York."
I've known people like her-and there is always something that gets in the way of their aspirations. Sometimes I wonder if subconsciously they really don't want the change they think they want.
I hope Honey will get what she truly wants some day...
Great writing, and very convincing characters!
Nice. Everybody secretly loves the bitch, even if they hate her!
She's got good motivation, and one hell of an awful secret--poor Carrie.
As long as Ellie and Henry are okay, though, I'll keep breathing through another week.
Whew!
I loved getting an outside perspective on Carrie and Ellie! I couldn't help but laugh! "The hippie and the cook, in the flesh. The both of them were so smug, so knowing. "
Even though Honey was a total bitch, I ended up feeling sorry for her, she is so totally angrily trapped, by her past, her mother, her core desire to be anyone but herself.
I sincerely hope that Todd doesn't in fact still 'dip' into Honey and that was just her ego talking...
Whoa. This one packs a punch:~) Well developed characters...especially Honey and a fast and easy read. I didn't stumble once and you kept me curious the entire way.
Well done:~)
I liked this perspective a lot. And I both sympathized with Honey and found her completely obnoxious.
I loved the way you used physical details--hair, nails, shoes--to convey her personality. I can totally imagine her.
Fun reading, as always!
That was good!! I hated her in the beginning, then was surprised to find out she was taking care of her mother and I started to soften and feel sympathy towards her, then that last line took me back to hating her.
By the time you got to this great line: "Leaning slightly to the side, I peeked behind the colorful boxes catching a glimpse of the women." I felt like I could picture exactly where she was and what she was doing.
Well done!
I'm with everyone else on this one I think. I love and want to hate Honey. I can imagine how frustrated she feels but I really, really hate how she lets those frustrations excuse her witchiness. I think she is interesting though and I look forward to reading more about her. (I think the taste for honey thing is just her but I want to find out!)
Wow - just discovered your blog and am HOOKED. And I love a good drama, fictional or otherwise. Keep it up!
you do want to hate her, well done!!
oooohhh.
I. LOVE. YOUR. WRITING!
Hands down, best one I've read so far. You have some killer lines in there (I don't need to tell you which ones, I'm sure), and the protagonist is a delicious blend of sympathetic, cliche, make-fun-able, and then sympathetic again. I was a little confused about the Carrie-Ellie relationship, and then the Carrie-"Betty" relationship, but that may very well have been just me.
Great.
I want to hate Honey so badly... but I just can't now that I know she's taking care of her mom. Not only that, but Carrie stole her boyfriend, so it's not wonder she's acting the way she is! Great writing.
Wow, wow, wow! Love the twist in the end. Love that Honey isn't quite so sweet, and you expressed that so well through her thoughts, actions and voice. Such solid writing. Enjoyed this much!
You know, I have been commenting on a lot of posts today that people were making their "I" character too one dimensional. The "I" was just the 1 or 2 things that the blogger found annoying. You didn't do that here. You gave her some endearing qualities too. That is the hallmark of good character development. And since character drives plot, you're well on your way. Nice job.
Oooh! I loved this! Especially the twist at the end. Very, very juicy.
I loved this! This is solid writing, painting a vivid character with lovely complexities.
The little twist at the end? Awesome. I want to read this book!
A great use of the prompt and as others mentioned, awesome in that Honey was so much more than just her annoying traits.
Great! I really want to hear more of the story! The twist at the end was great!
Haha, very good!
I'm trying to decide whether I dislike Honey or feel sorry for her.
And you are going to share more of this, yes?
That last line hits ya right in the kisser. She's nasty, that one. A villain you'll love to hate.
But then you go and give her vulnerability and complexity. You talented writers! Making the read think and all!
If I haven't said it recently, I'll say it again. You're goooooood.
Oooooooh juicy! Interesting! And you leave me wanting more!
I love how your character has an actual story, an actual personality. Very richly drawn.
Thank you so much! With a name like Honey, you know there's a story.
My favorite villains always have a reason for their behavior. Something that makes them somewhat sympathetic but at the same time they make me angry with the flawed choices they make.
Of course! She's part of the story now...
Good! I'd hate to leave you thinking you're over it. lol
Also? Thanks for following. Totally made my day. :)
I hope you're a publisher and just offerred me a book deal. No? Ah well.
Stick around and you'll read the whole "book" before too long. I'm really enjoying stretching my fiction wings.
I decided that Montana was starting to be a little too...nice. ;)
Thank you. Honey's been hovering in the back of my head lately and, after I got this prompt, she starting hollering that it was her turn.
I was a little worried that her name was too ironic. But at the same time, she HAS to be Honey.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
She's had a really rough life and every time she thinks she's going to catch a break, something happens.
I feel bad for her, really. I just hope that she doesn't cause too much trouble.
Carrie and Ellie are recurring characters. And the "Betty" bit was a jab at Carrie's job as a chef. "Betty Crocker"
I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Did you notice the rest of the story hanging out on the Fictional Mandyland page?
Thank you, lady!
But at the same time, don't you feel a tiny bit sorry for her?
I'm so glad I hooked you! Now to reel you in...
Did you notice the Fictional Mandyland at the top of the page? There's more to the story up there.
Thank you for stopping by and reading AND commenting.
She was more fun to write that I thought she'd be. She's such a strong character and so...intriguing. She's the anti Carrie and Ellie. The dark to their light. The bitter to their sweet.
Thank you so much for stopping by and reading.
Thank you!
She's such a cliche! But, at the same time, it's almost like she's TRYING to be a cliche. :)
She's like the anti-Snow White. I mean, to a certain extent, heroines can be somewhat annoying in their goodness. It's kind of fun to see them from the viewpoint of someone outside.
As Margaret Mitchell discovered. :)
Ellie and Henry are okay...for now.
And seriously...thank you for killing your guy off. This makes for a much more interesting storyline.
There are always "reasons" but sometimes those reasons are excuses. I hope Honey gets what she wants too. She's so bitter and angry, but she does have a lot going for her.
I'm glad you were able to see through her shell.
I agree with Sonara... in just a few words, I though "Oh, I'm NOT going to like this woman!" but in the middle, I felt sympathetic. And in the end... zing! Back to hating her again, even though I still felt that lingering sympathy.
My favorite phrase was "I thrust my boobs out front, loving their perkiness..." It shows how she is vain about her looks, and wants to use her looks to get what she wants.
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