Looking Back...

I started the year in tears.

I sat at my computer mourning my bruised and battered heart, my disassembled and jumbled life. As my children lay sleeping, I tortured myself with others' joy. I watched the photos filled with happiness cram my newsfeed. A small part of my brain realized the lonely ones, the sad ones, the ones who were feeling what I felt didn't post pictures of tear stained faces and empty glasses.

The numbers changed to 12:00 and then 12:01 with a gasping sob.

12:02

12:03

12:10

Enough.

I'm an optimist.

I'm stubborn.

I'm determined.

And as I wiped my eyes and blew my nose, I squared my shoulders. Enough.

Enough.

Thirteen is my lucky number. Thirteen was the perfect year to right my ship and find my balance. I meditated. I almost prayed.

Then, I got to work because if one thing was drilled into my child brain so many years ago it was that God helps those who help themselves.

I wrote down my goals. I vision boarded. And Thirteen rewarded me.

This year has been amazing in so many ways. Professionally, I've discovered the terror and joy of publishing my work. Three times. I gazed at my words on paper between glossy covers and felt the fire burn to do more, to write more, to publish more.

And I will.

I sat in front of cameras, a mic taped to my sweaty skin while make up plastered my face. I laughed and shared and made amazingly talented new friends who shared the experience with me with all the same awe and disbelief.

I joined up with a good friend and discovered that we have a knack for helping other authors realize their dreams.

I wrote a novel, a story that swirled and danced through my imagination, a story that I will see published. It's meant my poor blog has been neglected as never before, but, I hope, it will all be worth it in the end and you, whoever you are still reading the words I post to this site, will still be there, waiting to continue the ride.

I traveled. Oh how I traveled.

Massachusettes, Rhode Islande, New Hampshire, Disneyland, San Francisco - the later of which I haven't even had a chance to blog about. I discovered the utter delight of traveling with my children. With backpacks and baseball caps, they gamely joined in every adventure I set out on, even if it was a nightly hike in the parks surrounding our town.

I grew ever close to my friends, those lovely women who ground me, support me, and most of all, love me in spite of our differences. We shared meals and wine, laughter and tears, late night talks and early morning chats.

And somehow, someway, I met a man. A man who is kind and sweet and charming. A man who loves me, laughs with me, and plays with my children. I don't write much about this relationship; I hold it gently and protectively in my hand while I wait and see. For now, though, for right now, he makes me happy and, I believe, I make him happy too even as I boggle and confound him.

I stopped asking and started doing. For almost a decade, I asked another person's opinion before purchasing, before booking, before spending. This year, the year of Thirteen, I stopped. I gained control of my finances. I budgeted. I decided. I was featured on mint.com...which is really insanely crazy and awesome.

There are so many ways that 2013 exceeded my expectations. And so many ways it leaves me yearning for more...

More of the feeling I have, at this moment, while I sip from a glass of champagne and read my newsfeed. It's a feeling of contentment, of hard won happiness. It's a feeling I cherish knowing how awful I felt last year at this time.

Happy New Year, my friends. May 2014 bring as much happiness as 2013.