What Parenting Style?

I don't know my parenting style. I think it's a little like this blog - a hodgepodge of this and that. I've never read a parenting book beyond "The Baby Whisperer" which, I have to be honest, saved my sanity those first few weeks. But I've been known to devour a few dozen articles about different ways to raise your children and think, "Huh. I didn't know that was a Parenting Style."

I'm not crunchy enough to be an Attachement Parent - though I nursed both of my children as long as I could, going almost two years with Elizabeth, I wore my babies, and tried, once, to use cloth diapers. Sadly for our environment, I got too grossed out.

I don't have the kids in nearly enough activities to practice Concerted Cultivation. We prefer to spend our days lazing about and gardening, drawing, playing video game, reading or swinging on the apple tree. Not that those who do activities don't do such things as Cheryl so eloquently wrote. But my after work time is finite. Too finite for a lot of activities.

I throw too many temper tantrums myself to be an Emotional Coach. In fact, I don't think expressing anger or frustration is a bad thing and when they have trantrums of their own, I send them to their room to do it. I make sure I give them a big hug when they're done because let's face it, I'm only one more broken kitchen appliance away from stamping my feet and screaming. And I hope they give me a big hug when I'm done.

Which means I'm probably not an Aware Parent.

I might be a bit of a helicopter mom, but I do let them play outside on their own and see no problem with letting them walk the neighborhood when they're a bit older. I don't micromanage their homework, but at the same time, I do send emails to Joseph's teacher to touch base and make sure everything is okay.

I'm not really a Punishment Based parent. At the moment, I have a son who has almost always put himself in time out before I have the chance and a daughter who might or might not be a 30-year-old woman and tends to put me in time out.

I love the idea of Slow Parenting, however I do have the knee jerk panic when I realize my children aren't learning a second language and have probably missed the boat to become Olympians. It usually takes a dark room and soothing music to remind me they'll be okay.

I'm not a Strict Parent. I tend to ask "why" a lot when it comes to their requests and my rules and boundaries are more guidelines than anything else. Besides, sometimes the kids have really good reasons for their requests that I may not realize .

I don't really know my parenting style. I'm not sure I have one and send big kudos to those who do. Still every now and then, I wonder if adhereance to a particular style just makes life a lot more complicated.

I spoke to a woman at the doctor's office the other day. She was young, sweet, friendly. We started talking about kids and she confessed her three year old is driving her crazy. I laughed and agreed the terrible twos were nothing on the troubling threes.

I added, "It's funny. At three, they're old enough to have enough words to express their opinions and thoughts, enough mobility to act upon them, and the strength to insist on independence. It has to be a rough year for them too!"

She replied, "I can take the independence. I just can't take the mimicry."

"Is he copying you?"

"Yes! And no matter how often I put him in time out or take away his toys he just won't stop!"

I felt my face freeze for a moment in a smile while I tried the best way to respond without judgement. Because while it wasn't a crime for which I would enact punishment, I have been at my wits' end more than once. Let's be honest. I'm there more often than not.

"Give him something good to say."

"What do you mean?"

"When my kids mimic me," I said slowly, "I say, 'Mommy is the most amazing mommy in the whole wide world.' or 'Mommy is so beautiful. Mommy is the best cook ever.' or even 'I can't wait to eat my vegetables."

She paused for a moment and said, "I never thought of that. Does it work?"

I shrugged. "They're usually laughing so hard after two sentences, they can't copy me any more."

"I'm going to try that!" She thanked me and left.

I'm not writing this to toot my parenting horn. I mess up more often than not and those moments of genius are rarer than Elizabeth sleeping in her own bed all night. I'm just wondering...do I have a parenting style? Do I need a parenting style? Or should I gamble that the moments of genius will outweigh the bad calls?

I'm going to go with gambling. At the moment.

Tomorrow a new article will come out that will send me into a tailspin of worry and self reflection.