Thursday, February 16, 2012

Green Sky

Carrie hummed softly as she nudged the fridge door closed with her hip. Her hands full, she made her way to the counter.

Setting the lettuce, mayonaise, and bacon on the counter, she plucked a plump tomato out of the overflowing bowl next to the kitchen door.

She smiled to herself and glanced over at Emily in the next room.

The baby lay sleeping on a quilt spread across the floor. Her butt was in the air, chubby hands next to her cheeks.

Lightly bouncing the tomato in her hand, Carrie padded across the kitchen, her bare feet softly slapping the tile until she reached the carpet of the living room. She knelt next to the quilt, gently setting her hand on Emily's warm back, feeling it rise and fall with each breath. She fought the impulse to lay down next to her and cuddle into a nap.

With one last gentle carress, she stood and went back to the kitchen.

Turning on the faucet, she ran the tomato under a rush of cool water, the flesh firm and still warm from the afternoon sun. Staring out the window, she frowned at the clouds in the distance. Green tinged, they bruised the sky as angry black moved rapidly from the south.

"Weird," Carrie muttered. Her cell phone buzzed on the kitchen counter. Setting the tomato down, she shook the water off her hands and picked the phone. "Hello?" She dried her hands on her skirt, still staring at the sky.

"Carrie? It's Henry. Gage is on his way. I need you and Emily at the main house. Now."

"Emily just went down for her nap. Can it wait?"

"No." Henry paused. Carrie could hear Frank shouting in the background and Henry's answering rumble.

"What's going on?" Worry crept into her voice.

"Probably nothing, but better safe than sorry. There's a tornado alert and I want everyone here."

"Tornado?" Carrie thought furiously. "There aren't tornadoes in Montana!"

"We don't have time for this," Henry said impatiently. "Gage will be there in less than five minutes. Pack a bag for Emily and get your butt over here. Now." With a click, he disconnected.

Carrie ran into the nursery to pack, the tomato laying forgotten on the white tile.

This post was inspired by a Write on Edge prompt showing a picture of a BLT. What? It looks familiar? Oh yeah. Didn't I tell you? Oh...don't worry. I need to do a whole post on it soon.

In the meantime, this takes place after Farmers Market and is part of the Hidden Hollow series.

As always, concrit is appreciated. Especially since I wrote this drugged. Not that type of drug. Geez, people. Nyquil!

19 comments:

The M Half said...

Ooh, I really like the imagery here. I noticed a couple things that are likely the result of Nyquil that you may want to edit: "Her was butt in the air ..." And "knealt"

Well done, as always.

Cameron (CDG) said...

I was reading so hard I missed the typos.

And I love the image of the forgotten tomato on the tile.

Shelton Keys Dunning said...

Fantastic! (Sorry you're under the weather) My only suggestion is regarding "she thought furiously". Did Henry respond after reading her mind or if he is responding to the silence while she was thinking?

I love where this went. Ready for more.

Mary Johnson said...

I really enjoyed your descriptions and the build up to possible danger.  Nice take on the post!

Diane Tarantini said...

This was great, the way it went from yummy to tender to yummy to scary. Lots of great description. I shake my hands dry too; wipe 'em off on my clothes. And the writing about the clouds was great. Well done:)

Angela said...

I like the way you captured that beginning-of-motherhood feeling when you're so amazed by your baby that you leave a task just to be near them.

Just a little thing, but I might cut the "better safe than sorry."  Maybe change to something like:

"No." Carrie could hear... (cut out the Henry paused here.)

then what you have until:

"Probably nothing," Henry paused, "There's a...

(Take it or leave it of course, just playing around a little.) 

Cheryl said...

I loved the image of the baby sleeping on the quilt. So very sweet. I liked the tension/confusion by the phone call.

But my fave part was the tomato left on the counter. Because you know how I feel about tomatoes... :)

mandyland said...

Thank you! Fixed it and yeah...drugs, man. Drugs. :)

mandyland said...

Then you must have been reading REALLY hard.

mandyland said...

I think he's responding to the silence? Hmm...re-reading it and I see where I can tweak that a bit.

mandyland said...

I looked at a lot of tornado pictures. :)

I wanted to have the moment move around a bit...showing the peace and the calm before what looks like a storm.

mandyland said...

Play away!!

mandyland said...

Oh Cheryl! You're making me want to ship you PROPER tomatoes. Ones that are never slimy.

Kir said...

I love this storyline and how "these things don't happen here"shakes up the calm setting you open with.
The conversation was good and not forced, I felt my own stomach fall as hers did.

SAM said...

I can totally relate to the "That doesn't happen here!" feeling. Great writing!

Nancy C said...

That description of the green tinged clouds was so creepy and such visual, perfect description.

Carrie said...

I thought this particular scene flowed well. You got the foreshadowing of the possible storm with the clouds after lulling is into a sweet baby sleep with the description of Emily napping.

Nice job

sweetbutterbliss said...

One of my biggest fears having to protect my babies. Your writing brought it to the forefront and made me want to go home and hug them. 

TMW Hickman said...

I love how you wove this story!  I liked the descriptions of the baby sleeping, the green tinge to the sky(always freaks me out), and the phone call.  Perfect!