Hold on. Let me just say: When I win the lottery this month...
I mean, if I'm going to be prophetic, I might as well shoot for the lotto, right?
Back on topic...
I'm gathering boxes, bubble wrap, and promises of help because in two weeks, the kids and I will be moving into an adorable little house fifteen minutes closer to work. I would have loved to move thirty minutes closer, but it was a bit out of my price range.
Our new home is in a quiet neighborhood. The house is shaded by a large mulberry tree in front and boasts a mature apple tree out back. It's a two bedroom, one bath. I'm downsizing quite a bit, but, to be honest, the kids already share a room in everything but name. They'll have the larger, master bedroom and I'll be taking a room that will fit my bed and maybe a nightstand if I'm lucky.
But did I mention it has an apple tree and gardening space?
The living room is slightly larger than my current bedroom, there's no linen closet, and I have no idea where I'm going to put my 700+ books or my computer. Taking the advice of my friends Chris, Anne, and Tara, I'm going to be taking only what I need and what I love. Everything else will be sold in a massive garage sale or donated to charity.
But did I mention it has an apple tree and gardening space?
There's a window above the kitchen sink that overlooks the back yard. There's a deck out the back door with a bench just waiting for friends, wine, and starlight. There's a patio area perfect for my dining set until I can save up for a playhouse for the kids. There's a front porch deep enough for my chairs and a little table - the perfect spot to sit and have an ice cold drink while the kids play.
My landlord is a nice man who is clearing a patch of ground cover before I move in so I can have an herb garden. He brought a tape measure so I could make sure the kids' beds would fit. He assured me that I could call him anytime if anything goes wrong with the house.
He told me that this garden is a wonderful place to heal and find peace.
It's going to be an amazing place to call home.
Still...
Moving out of this house - a house I've lived in for eight years, the house I brought my babies home in, the house I bought with my husband of three months, the house that saw the demise of a marriage - it's going to be hard. Living here has been a little bit of a safety net. It was familiar, comfortable.
I haven't lived on my own in almost a decade. The last time was with a roommate. Now, I'll be on my own with two little ones who depend on me.
I have to admit...I'm scared to death.
My hands are shaking while typing this. My stomach is in knots. I'm having a hard time catching my breath. Anxiety lurks in the shadows of my mind, waiting for a quiet moment to attack.
I keep reminding myself of the Write on Edge prompt from last week:
“The scariest moment is always just before you start. After that, things can only get better.”
The wheels are in motion. The roller coaster is cranking it's way to the top of the drop.
Deep breaths.
Deep breaths.
While I'm breathing in a paper bag, you can send me packing tape. Also, wine. Lots and lots of wine.
26 comments:
We're in the process of selling our house. I'm a constant bundle of nerves. You'll be happy when you settle in, at least that's what I keep telling myself. Good luck! Change is good.
Keep focusing on that apple tree and that wonderful sounding landlord. I'm sure you'll turn that house into a home in no time.
I'm going to get myself out to drink wine with you on that patio!
In the meantime, sister, you own your amazingness and make your home on your own terms.
I'm assuming you have a queen size bed. You may want to consider downsizing to a full. It makes a huge difference in how much room is left in your room.
I mean, maybe not right away, unless you happen to have a full size bed just sitting around waiting to be used. You've got enough to deal with just at the moment. But if you're feeling cramped, give it some thought. I know full sized beds are not as common down there in the land of giant bedrooms (or so they seem once you're used to SF) but maybe you know someone who has one and would like to swap for a queen.
Anyway, good luck with the move!
Find peace in the little things... The new herb garden, growing some veggies, teaching your children how to make things grow. Hang in there and drink some wine :)
You can do THIS! You are the Little Engine That Could!!!
remember you have been practicing single-parenting for longer than you have been separated! just think, you will have ONE LESS to mother & parent! really!!! don't you think?
Herb garden, big backyard, view from the kitchen window, closer to work, place to create "YOU" without the influence of someone else. If you are afraid of being by yourself... heck invite a girlfriend to spend the night until you get used to the sounds!
AND - you must have a "slumber party" with your girlfriends so you can share your place over wine, movies, talking, chocolate, and sleeping on air mattresses! I had my first slumber party a month after I moved into my condo... we still talk about how much fun we had!!!!
Oh Mandy, I'm so sorry to hear about the break up and the forced move. I'll be thinking of you as you move and praying that it becomes a peaceful haven for you all.
The most important thing, you're bringing: all of the love you have for each other. I am sending hugs to help you through the move (moving sucks, even in the best of times). The house looks adorable - the perfect place to grow and heal.
I was a single mom in a tiny little apartment for many years. Though I had downsized my house, I had totally upsized my happiness. I think you will too.
It's good to go home again when your home is nothing but light and happiness. It's quite a change to dreading going to a place that is filled with tension. Gah.
thinking of you. this will be me soon, and I dont even have a job yet. I know this fear. *HUG*
How exciting, yet scary change is!
I'm going with cheesy: home is where your heart is. Your babies and your amazing gardening hands, your talented writing fingers, they will be with you on your new adventure.
And those 15 minutes...THOSE will be your gift to yourself. And while you're predicting things, can you predict I'll find 15 more minutes?
Please?
Happy New home Mandy, its going to be so good for you.
<3
It adds up to a half hour a day...that's beyond huge.
Especially for those of us (like me) who hate change.
I'm so thankful for my job, my beyond understanding boss, and the fact I have benefits. I'd be seriously freaking otherwise.
I like that: Upsize Happiness
I'm going to try to remember it.
Oh how I dread moving. I used to do it on average once a year. I had it DOWN. Now I've gotten lazy with my purging and organization. I've allowed the house to get stuffed with stuff. Eek!
The move isn't forced. It's actually a bit ahead of schedule, but this new house is actually the perfect spot, so I couldn't let it pass me by.
You always have the BEST ideas.
I'm so doing a slumber party.
I get really excited, then really nervous, then really anxious. I think the little things are going to get me through. That, good friends, good wine, and laughter.
You assume correctly. And to think...we'd actually contemplated a king less than a year ago. SO glad we didn't go that direction.
I'll keep my eye out for a full. I know it'd make a big difference in a tiny room.
Please do. It's on my vision board. ;)
In less than a week, if I can match my old record. I used to be awesome at unpacking and setting up.
It's just all so strange...
Isn't it funny how we try to convince ourselves of things? :D
Of course, what's really funny is that everything usually works out really well and we wonder why we were so nervous to begin with.
I managed to really figure myself out in my teeny, tiny house. Hopefully it does the same for you.
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