The creek had not yet receded completely, but I could see the muddy evidence of the previous night's deluge strewn along its banks. Branches, leaves and bits of cloth tangled amongst the trees and rocks. Pulling my jacket closer, I shivered at this evidence of the violence of Mother Nature.
A bright object caught my eye. Bobbing close to the edge of the swollen bed, a small red ball bobbed in the water, butting up against a clump of leaves. I picked my way through the muck. Grasping a branch with one hand, I leaned sideways to snatch it out of the water. The branch in my hand shifted. Caught off balance, my feet slid on the slimy mud, sending my body lurching towards the swollen creek.
A strong hand grabbed my arm in a bruising grip. Surprised I looked up to see Henry, his jaw tight.
"Damn it, Ellie! What are you doing down here?"
This bit of fiction was inspired by the Write on Edge prompt paint a scene as vividly as possible in 200 words. I have to say, this is my weak area. I'm much better with straight dialogue. So...did I do it?This scene takes place right after The Storm Part 3. If you want to read more about Hidden Hollow, visit Fictional Mandyland. It's shaping up to be quite the trilogy. Or maybe quartet?
14 comments:
The storm! And a mystery!
And strong, capable, firm jawed Henry...
Wait... where was I?
Sigh...Henry...
Back to the setting...Henry...sigh
So ominous, the storm not being over. I like the freshness in the air; it's almost like it makes Ellie feel safe, although the ground is dangerous.
Oh, how I love Henry.
I loved the gray-tinged blue sky.
But not as much as I love Henry.
Just sayin'.
You so did it! *Love* the way you wove the scene into your push and characters and your Henry! Hee! :)
Way to go, friend! XO
I think you did a great job painting the scene. You can hear the rush of the stream, you can feel the looseness of the back. And throughout, I had that ominous feeling that this may not end well.
Oh I like this line .." leaving a ghostly trail in the dewy grass"
That brought me right into the whole piece.
The bright red ball in the creek was a sad thing. Hopefully it was the only thing stolen from that child.
I love the word "muck" and I want to know more:) Tell me more, I like your meme:)
"Bruising grip" I like that!
Good thing he was there to catch her!
Hmm...and why was Henry there? Fireworks between those two!!
Okay, I love Ellie, but I seriously want to ping her on the back of her head with that little red ball right now. But, at least it gives room for Henry to come in. :>
You did it! I was right there on the creek bank reaching for the ball beside you. Good thing Henry was there, or we'd both be in the drink!
I <3 the "electricity in the air" as literary device here . . . both between the characters and literally. And, I truly, truly love the feeling of a storm approaching or in progress - I like to think that that's the moment that I can actually conjure magic from my fingertips.
Oh Henry....come and save me next!
Bravo! You had me from the "ghostly trail in the dewy grass". Looking forward to what happens after Henry saves Ellie.
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