Seeing Visions

A year ago, I sat a Tara's kitchen table with Sarah. A pile of magazines and brand new glue sticks stacked next to us. I'd been feeling out of sorts, confused, not sure what to do. Sarah suggested a vision board.

And while Sarah often suggests things that I find odd (chia seeds, agave syrup), for some reason the idea of a vision board appealed to me.

I looked through magazines, tearing and cutting out words and pictures that meant something to me. I arranged them on my board in a grid, divided by pretty blue ribbon. At first, I was hesitant as to what pictures to pull out. I wondered if the whole thing was a waste of time.

I brought it home and hung it in my bathroom where it stared at me every day for a year.

And now, looking at it, I'm shocked at how much has come to pass.

In this corner, I posted my friendships. A year ago, I had a couple close friends and a handful of acquaintances that I hoped would become better friends. I had not yet stumbled onto SITS which opened the door to the bloggy world and all the amazing women I've befriended there.

When my world tumbled last April, my friends closed ranks and wrapped me in cotton, protecting and helping me through the worst. Maybe on a subconscious level, I realized how much I would need these women in my life.

Here I put up pictures of my garden. Or, rather the garden I hoped to have. And, for the first time, my garden flourished. Sure, I had a few failures, but for the most part, I spent hours working in and harvesting my best garden to date.

Jumping to this section about money and finances, I put a lottery ticket. No, I didn't win the lottery. And yes, finances are a bit tight here In Mandyland, but do you notice that little piece right there? The raised beds? Yeah. We got those.

Over here was my spot for organization and clarity. This is the one that surprised me the most because I was just hoping it'd help me to remember to make my bed. Instead, I've reorganized, bought shelves and cleared clutter. And while my bed is still not made on a daily basis, my jewelry is hanging up, my clothes are organized and the kids have cleared closets.

This part dealt with my health. I've lost 26 pounds and am determined to lose another 26. Even more, see those big boobs? (You can't miss 'em.) They belong to one of my new favorite actresses who's taught me that sexy can be any size, even if that size is more rounded than your average Jane.

In an aside, I've also quit biting my nails. Go figure.

This section deals with writing. Last year I was lucky to get one or two comments on my blog. I wondered if anyone ever read my words. I wondered...did they mean anything to anyone? Now, I know they do. And while I may not have finished my book - yet - I have impacted at least one or two of my readers in, I hope, a positive way.

Over here we have my hopes for balance in my life. Being a good mom, a good friend, a good person while still being me. I think it's something I'm going to work on for a long time to come. After all, life is one long lesson that we continuously learn.

And this section, right here...this one is a little painful. It's my relationship corner. It's the place I'd hoped would help me heal a marriage that was crumbling apart. I stared at the words "Getting past the anger" every morning, hoping it would help me find peace. And maybe, finally, it has. I didn't realize it then, but letting go sometimes means an ending.

And that "Say Yes" which I put up as a way to help me be a better wife has helped me now as I begin to navigate the dating world. I say yes.

Get your mind out of the gutters!

What I mean to say is that it would be so easy to sit at home and worry. Instead, when an email comes through from a strange man asking how I'm doing, I say yes and reply back that I'm just fine, thank you. I'm learning to float and go with the flow and, maybe, have fun doing so.

So that's it. My vision board for my 35th year. According to my astrological reading a couple months ago, this marks the end of the first half of a 30 year cycle. Now, I'll begin to understand why I had the experiences I've had.

This year is a year of flux. It's a year that is caught in a negative circle. As Sharon reminded me, negative doesn't mean "bad", it simply means it's time to learn.

By this time next year, my divorce will be final. I'll understand much of what's happened. I will be happier and in a better frame of mind. So, to help me through this year, I'm making another vision board. One with new goals, new dreams, new ideas.

And don't worry. I'm putting a picture of Eric Northman front and center.

Priorities, after all.