And when one's marriage ends and one tries to be friends with one's former partner, separation of the spirit can be difficult. A friend told me to look at my life and Chad's life as two separate terrariums.
I'll be caught up in his storm...
Thursday, August 18, 2011
My Terrarium
When one's marriage ends, it's almost always for reasons beyond forgetting to take out the trash. There are usually much darker, much deeper issues.
And when one's marriage ends and one tries to be friends with one's former partner, separation of the spirit can be difficult. A friend told me to look at my life and Chad's life as two separate terrariums.
Chad is facing some difficult decisions and times.
My heart breaks for him, but at the same time, I've come to realize that I'm in a much better place.
And while I can see him...
I can't really let him in...
Because if I do...
I'll be caught up in his storm...
So I have to remember...
Stay in my own terrarium.
And when one's marriage ends and one tries to be friends with one's former partner, separation of the spirit can be difficult. A friend told me to look at my life and Chad's life as two separate terrariums.
I'll be caught up in his storm...
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24 comments:
A cute yet thought provoking post on a not so cute topic. Here's to continued blue skies ahead! and love the drawings!
xoxo
Paula
http://realhousewifeofsingapore.blogspot.com/
A wise friend. I have come to realize over the years that the Terrarium Rule applies more often than I ever thought it would.
Hang onto your blue skies, Mandy.
Oh Mandy, this is so powerful, in ever single way. I like the look of your Terrarium and I know that you're going to be happy no matter what. Your choices were the right ones!
This really speaks to me. As much as we want to help others, we do have to keep our terrarium safe for us to inhabit.
It seems 2-dimentional somehow. :) (But very nice)
Smart. I think it's easier to be there without getting pulled under once lives are fully separate. But, while in the process of separating? That would be like tying weights to your ankles and still demanding you swim. And must say the drawings perfectly illustrated your point! :>
Love that! What a great analogy...
You are doing all the right things
okay you clever girl... how did you do these pictures?? you must show me!
It's nice to see you at work, strong, in control - but, I know underneath it's hard... the months following my separation (& eventually the divorce) are a blur! I don't know how I made it through that year??? you have your kids - ready & willing to offer their hugs! Your mantra - "I'm incredibly strong!"
Yes, yes, yes. This applies to lots of people in my life, I need to learn to do this. Also when I'm they yucky terrarium I hope the people who come over to clean it wear hazmat suits, I don't want them to catch anything.
This visual is helping more than I can say. I keep reminding myself...there's a wall of glass.
I love the mantra. :)
And the way I'm making it through the year? The incredible people in my life, which include you and JPE.
Not really, but hope the wrong things I do aren't too wrong. ;)
You hit the nail on the head. I was feeling like I was drowning until I realized all I had to do was take off the weights.
Hm.
Exactly. I so badly felt I NEEDED to help Chad through this transition, but doing so was destroying my ability to keep it all together. Now? I can help the people who really need me: the kids.
It's the little blue house, right? It totally rocks. :)
Blue skies, sunshine and green grass...
And yeah...I wish I'd known about the terrarium rule a few years ago.
Thank you!
Mandy I Love this visual!!! I tried to help my ex for too long letting his stuff invade mine. So glad that you realize that you are in a good place all on your own! hugs!
I ran across this link today: http://www.straightspouse.org
They might (or might not) have some content there you'd find relevant. And I notice they have a writing contest of some kind.
I actually belong to that site. (Edited because I'm not quite ready to tell the story.)
Thank you! I keep looking at you and hoping I'm in as good place as you are now in a few years. :)
SO much easier to do with this visual.
That's how we think: pictures.
Going to send my friend over here to see.
Thank you for this, this morning.
I love this! I am going through divorce as well, and have a 22 month old. It's hard but I feel much more together than my husband who's life seems to be in chaos. I am going to print this out and look at it when I feel down to remind myself why I filed for divorce in the first place.
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