Friday, March 25, 2011

The Storm - Part 3

Carrie bore down, her face contorting as she screamed. I watched sweat bead off her forehead and drip down her temples.

"Almost there!" I looked, seeing the small dome of the baby's skull. "I see the head!"

Carrie fell back against the headboard, gasping, sobbing. I felt her legs stiffen again under my hands. Her neck strained forward as she let loose a cry that drowned the sound of the pounding rain, her fingers tearing at the sheet covering the bed.

I saw the back of a tiny head.

"Oh my God!" I gasped, moving my hands to support the baby as Carrie pulled herself up and gave one last push, sending a new life slipping into my hands.

Working quickly, I swiped the baby's mouth with my finger and set it on Carrie's chest, covering both of them with piles of warm blankets. Soft mewling cries filled the room.

"Hello, beautiful," Carrie whispered. She stared into the newly blinking eyes while I tied off and cut the umbilical cord. I couldn't take my eyes off the tiny wrinkled face, so shocked and irritated with being thrust into the world.

Carrie looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. Reaching out with one had she touched my own wet cheek with her palm. "Thank you, Ellie."

Emotions swamped me. I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt. "How do you feel?"

"A little cold. A little shaky," she whispered staring down at the shock of matted hair on the baby's head, gently stroking the soft skin, exploring tiny fingers and hands. I piled a heavy quilt over mother and child, starting to remove the soiled towels.

"Wait. There's still the placenta."

"The placenta?" I echoed weakly.

"You need to save it so the doctor can be sure that everything is okay."

"Save it?" I whispered. My stomach churned at the thought. I looked around the room.

Soiled towels covered the floor surrounding us. The shirt Carrie had been wearing hung off a chair in the corner, discarded when even the feel of soft cotton became too much for her to bear. Three empty pots lolled drunkenly across the floor. A fourth pot of tepid water sat on the floor at the foot of the bed.

I moved to look under the quilt. "Did you know that I actually flunked eighth grade biology?" I said conversationally as I cleaned Carrie's legs, tossing the worst of the towels to the floor, replacing them with clean cloths.

"Hmm?" Carrie was locked in love, her eyes devouring the now quiet baby in her arms.

"Couldn't dissect a frog," I muttered, knowing she wasn't listening. "I nearly passed out at the thought. The boys all--" I suddenly had a thought. "Carrie?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't look. I don't know why but...boy or girl?"

An arrested look crossed Carrie's face. "I--I didn't look either."

We looked at each other, laughter bubbling up and out, rolling around the room. We unwrapped the baby like the most precious of gifts.

"Congratulations, it's a girl." I grinned. The baby cried, her irritation renewed as cool air brushed across her delicate skin.

I continued to clean Carrie, wiping her legs with a wet washcloth. When she finally delivered the placenta, I fought back nausea and put it in a pot, covering it with a lid, washing my hands as shudders wracked my body.

I looked at mother and child resting on the bed, the baby already nursing. The familiar pang of longing stabbed through my womb. I put my hand to my stomach and fought down a tide of jealousy. This was most likely as close as I would ever come to bringing a child into the world. Swallowing new tears, I forced a smile to my face.

"Are you hungry? I've heard that new mothers are always hungry."

"I'm starving."

"What would you like?"

"Thai food. There's a great place in Vegas."

"I'm not sure they deliver out here. Second choice?"

"Donuts. Big, fat donuts with gobs of pink icing."

"God. That sounds good. Know of a good donut shop nearby?"

Carrie laughed. "At this point I'm so hungry, I'll eat whatever you bring."

"You got it." I walked out of the bedroom, into the kitchen. Through the window, I could see the rising sun breaking through the clouds turning them as pink as the donut icing Carrie craved.

I heard heavy footprints cross the porch. The door opened.

The storm was over.

This was a piece of fiction inspired by a Red Dress Club prompt. Which was a big picture of a delicious-looking donut. The rest of this story can be found up top under Fictional Mandyland. I wish you all could read the twitter feed that gave me all the information I never wanted to know about placentas and home births. At one point, I was laughing so hard that I almost fell out of my chair. Interestingly enough, the men on twitter disappeard.

As always, concrit is welcomed.

69 comments:

Lindsay said...

Oh wow Mandy. What a riveting, moving story! You touched my heart and soul all at once. Thanks for sharing this with us!

HonestConvoGal said...

The saga continues. Excellent dialogue. I love how you work the prompts in. I have to say, I've never heard of post delivery donuts, but why not? Love the last line.

Kris Mulkey said...

OMG. I never, ever, thought anyone would combine childbirth, a placenta and a donut in one post. This is one of the many reasons I love TRDC. Great job.

Loved your twitter comment.

jessica said...

Thank goodness for more of The Storm, I have a hard time giving any concrit when you do these because I just love the story so much. You swept me into the story again. On to bugging you for The Storm part 4 ;).

Jackie said...

I thought that it was great! I don't know what to say other than you did well! If there was anything to change I didn't notice it because I was to caught up in the story!

VictoriaKP said...

I LOVE the fact that neither one of them has checked if it's a boy or a girl!

And amazing? Managing to work the prompt in without if sounding like it was for a prompt!

Kir said...

I just love reading whatever you write.
The fact that neither one looked to see the gender made me smile, your talent is just amazing. I feel special just to be able to read your work.

Amy said...

This is great! I was sucked right in, ready to puke and pass out when she delivered the placenta.

Good writing!

CDG said...

Okay, thank god at least one of the men are back. I had great faith in Ellie and Carrie, but those boys have been gone a while. No fatherless children, though, right?

I love the hunger banter, and you describe the birth well, tough, but not melodramatic.

And "locked in love" is perfect... I remember that, everything focusing in on that tiny little person.

Jennifer said...

There is so much birthing fiction out there and most of it not all that great. This, however, was poignant, (finding out Ellie can't have kids) funny, (the failing biology bit, not checking the baby) and real (Ellie's visceral reaction to the placenta).

I thought something that was also clear was a new stronger bond between these ladies and I'm looking forward to seeing if there is a special relationship between Ellie and this new life.

Mamatrack11 said...

I enjoy this one a lot. Birthing stories are always a bit sad for (I'm in the emergency c-section crew), but this one was entertaining and moving at the same time. And Ellie's moment of reflection was heartbreakingly beautiful.

Loved that they forgot toncheck the gender--that could totally happen.

I thought there was just the right amount of physical description in this post--enough to set the scene but not so much I was distracted.

Visiting from TRDC

Ash said...

I'm still laughing over the placenta. Your dialog always amazes me - so natural. Now I want some Thai. Which is surprising as my mind goes back to the placenta giggles.

Ain't nothing beautiful about birth ;)

Kelly said...

Yay! The baby has arrived!! Woo-hoo to that fab team of ladies...and so glad that heavy footsteps are on the porch!

I love how ou tied the sunrise in with the craving-

So well done!!

JP said...

Very poignant and so relative...written so well, I forgot where I was....:)JP

Erin said...

LOVE!!!
I never delivered a baby but I know that feeling of being that close to birth and have it not be your own, a bittersweet symphony!

But I am cracking up about the placenta, and to think some people bring it home and plant it under a tree!

Erin said...

Wait.....the baby's name..... *sigh* I guess I have to wait

Jessica said...

I love the part where they didn't check to see if the baby was a boy or girl after she delivered. So excited they forgot about that part.

Stacey said...

I'm so glad you finished off this story. I love how, at the very end, both storms are over. I thought that was a nice touch. And great inclusion of the donuts. When I saw the title, I was truly curious how you would include donuts into your story!

I also loved how neither of them checked the gender of the baby! I can totally understand that!

Karen @ Time Crafted said...

Okay...starting my comment Before reading past the title!

The Storm is back! Woohoo!!

Off to read....

Okay, you had me from start to finish and it was only after the baby was delivered that I remembered there was a writing prompt to be included. And then I began wondering how you were going to work pink frosted donuts in...considering Ellie & Carrie are out in the country. You fit it in there perfectly!

I was cringing along with both of them, thinking how I would react if I were in Ellie's position of having to deliver someone's baby and wanting to cry out if I were Carrie! Not only did I feel it all, but I could see the room and the disarray from the night's events. (Silly me, I could see the laundry that needed to be done! lol....that *might* have something to do with the load that's waiting for me! But, I'm so glad I distracted myself with your writing. :>)

The Drama Mama said...

YAY!!! OMG you did a GREAT job delivering Carrie's baby!! My favorite line in all of this was the pots lolling drunkenly on the floor. That's quite an image. I also love that they forgot to check out the baby's gender!

I don't have any concrit for you. I know that sucks (boo on me) but I love your story too much.

jrreed said...

That was very cool and very touching. God bless you for leaving the afterbirth out of it.

Lisa said...

Loved your latest edition. You inspired me to start a line of my own. Check it out at my blog under YA.

Cheryl said...

I always love your dialogue. It's funny and real. I also liked learning about Ellie, and now I want to know why she thinks she can't have kids.

Sorry about that twitter chat. I hope you're not still scarred. I still could tweet you pics of my placenta.. ;)

Kelly G in ATX said...

[happy sigh] I really wanted to try and offer concrit to everyone I visited this week, but I'm sorry, I just don't have anything to tell you! This flows so smoothly, and I really feel like I'm in the shoes of your main character, going through the waves of emotions she experiences. I love that part about where she didn't check the baby's gender, that made me laugh! I could totally see how she'd be so wrapped up in trying to take care of her friend that she'd forget that one thing everyone always wonders about. Great job this week!

Kim said...

Great writing. You captured the wonder of delivering a baby - even though I've never been on that end before.

TMW Hickman said...

I guess no one said anything about manipulating the womb back into shape, did they? Lol! Loved it! You did a great job of describing the messy details without overwhelming with them. The flow was terrific!

Mads Mom said...

I don't know why I'm always surprised reading you. I should know by now how talented you are.
As the story started I kept thinking "how is she going to bring the prompt into the story" and then I recalled the later tweets and shuddered.
What I love is that you always leave a door open to continue the story or to invite in another character's plot line.

Tracy Morrison said...

LOVE your writing. I hate having to wait a week to read the next chapter. xoxo

mandyland said...

Thank you so much. And to tell the truth, I hate having to wait a week to post it! But I don't want to bore everyone with a bunch of stories. lol

mandyland said...

Thank you so much. I figured out how to include the prompt early on, but all that talk of cookbooks and tacos and excuse me...I need to go gag now.

mandyland said...

LOL Actually, they DID. But since poor Ellie had never attended a childbirth and this is Carrie's first baby, I gave them the rookie's version. ;)

mandyland said...

Thank you. I have to give credit to my tweeps. There was a mile long stream filled with advice, experiences and lots of laughter.

mandyland said...

Thank you!

When I pictured that moment, I was thinking how the cord would be dangling by the baby's legs, kind of covering everything up. That coupled with the stress and excitment of the moment...

mandyland said...

Oh Lord, woman. Are you trying to kill me??

The twitter chat was VITAL. And I loved every minute I wasn't heaped across my keyboard in a dead faint.

mandyland said...

That's awesome! I've loved having a continuing story line. It's a little treat to myself every week. :)

Thanks for reading!

mandyland said...

I figured a graphic account would be a little much. :)

mandyland said...

Thank you so much! That was my favorite line too. :)

mandyland said...

The mess was killing me! I wanted Ellie to pick up as she went, because I'm weird like that. But then, I thought about it and realized that I'd probably be tossing towels all over the room too. I mean...a baby's coming!

Thank you so much for you nice words and encouragement. I always wonder if, at some point, people are getting sick of the story. Kinda want to pull a Gypsy Rose Lee: Give 'em a little and leave 'em begging for more.

Of course, with writing, I think you also want to give the reader closure.

You see how many personalities I have?! It's ridiculous.

mandyland said...

The donuts were tricky. I'm really glad they worked out and didn't take away from the story. And, in the end, I liked the color enough to make it part of a sunrise.

mandyland said...

So excited and probably scared to death!

Thanks for reading!!

mandyland said...

I have the name but she can't get it until her Daddy sees her.

mandyland said...

Oh lady! Where you in on the whole tweet feed? Burying under the tree is nothing compared to some of the other ideas.

mandyland said...

Thank you so, so much!!

mandyland said...

Thank you! I don't know about you, but I was awful worried for the menfolk.

mandyland said...

Thank you, partner!

I was eating leftover lasagna when the conversation started. Needless to say, THAT went back in the fridge. *shudder*

mandyland said...

Thank you so much for stopping by and reading!

I'm part of the emergency c-section crew too. I was going for a VBAC with my second and it didn't work out. Which means, there's an awful lot about childbirth that I don't know considering I've had two children.

Thank goodness for Twitter and very candid women!!

mandyland said...

A tiny bit of referred to back story is that Carrie and Ellie have only known each other about a week. Carrie works on the farm stay that Henry (Ellie's love interest) owns. When Ellie came to visit Henry from San Diego, she met Carrie.

This experience has absolutely brought the two of them together with a bond that's really important for their futures. Carrie's life isn't as peachy keen as she'd like everyone to think and, to tell the truth, there's so much going on with her that I'm tempted to write her as a full, actual book. *gulp*

mandyland said...

Your water post saved Todd's life. Seriously. But with him still around, something sparked with Carrie. I've been writing a lot about her and her life and what's happening that Ellie doesn't know about.

For some reason, the way it's shaping in my head, I picture Henry and Ellie as a novella and Carrie and Todd as the full novel. I'm actually a little nervous about starting their story because I think, at this point, I'm ready to finish something I write.

mandyland said...

Oh good! Because I was ready to puke and pass out while writing it. lol

mandyland said...

Oh my God, lady. You're making me blush. I feel so special having people actually read and LIKE my writing.

mandyland said...

The prompt was tricky this week, that's for sure! lol

Thank you so much!!

mandyland said...

Now THAT'S a compliment. Thank you so much for reading. :)

mandyland said...

LOL Good Lord, woman. I just finished The Storm. Although...maybe something from the men's POV? Because they were gone an awfully long time.

mandyland said...

It sounds like the set up for a really bad joke. lol

mandyland said...

Thank you. I love writing dialogue. I think I've said before, in comments, that I usually write the entire piece out in dialogue format and then go back, filling in the details.

mandyland said...

Thank YOU for saying such nice things! I'm so happy you enjoyed reading the story. :)

Miri said...

I loved this. It was neat how you showed birth from the "other" side, not the side I'm used to thinking of it from.

When I was expecting my first I kept a big metal mixing bowl on a shelf in the kitchen to put the placenta in in case I gave birth at home unexpectedly. Four years later we still call it the "placenta bowl."

You did a great job of mixing in the concern, awe, and jealousy, all together, and carrying the action along while keeping the voice and the emotions real. One thing that seemed incongruent though was that you have her cut the cord after mother and child are covered with piles of blankets. Other than that, you had me with you right through till the end.

Schwandy (Stephanie) said...

I loved this and spent the whole time wondering how you could bring donuts into this situation. I loved how you incorporated it and of course I love the continuing story.

Mrs. Jen B said...

Hooray! I can't believe I missed this yesterday. Especially since I've been dying to see what happens.

This is just wonderful, and I love how you worked the donuts into it! :)

Nancy C said...

Bravo, lady. Detailed, but not graphic. Tender, funny, and perfectly paced.

I love Ellie's details. I love that moment of loss for her...so real and true. 'Failing biology" was brilliant. And forgetting to check the gender? Perfectly natural...I didn't think of it either until they brought it up.

Did Carrie have any post-partum pain? She seemed to be in such a baby trance. I must confess, that I was happy to see my baby, too. But I was hurting and not quite as serene.

mandyland said...

That's a detail I didn't get from my Twitter chat!! I had c sections with both of mine and was on so many drugs, I didn't feel a thing. lol

mandyland said...

Thank you!! I'm glad you liked it. :)

mandyland said...

The donut prompt threw me for a loop at first, but then I realized, it doesn't have to be ALL about the donuts. lol

mandyland said...

I didn't catch that! Hmmm...I wonder how I could fix it without spoiling the boy or girl thing...

It's funny. The other day I was reading a book and the main character was kidnapped with her hands tied. (Wow. Gothic.) Then, on the next page, her hands were somehow free for her to grapple with the kidnapper. Totally threw me. But now I can see how easy it would be to miss a tiny detail like that.

MiMi said...

I'm with Nancy. It was just detailed enough and not totally barfy graphic. I LOVED IT!

From Tracie said...

I LOVE the way you incorporated the doughnut prompt into your story! genius.

I also feel slightly more knowledgeable about birth now. LOL.

mandyland said...

Phew! I tried really hard to avoid barfy graphic. Mostly because I'd barf if I tried to write it.

mandyland said...

How funny! I feel slightly more knowledgeable too. lol

Sonora said...

Wow. I loved this. Your description is just wonderful. I could feel the emotions and the experience. Very well written.