Friday, March 11, 2011

The Storm - Part 2

"Are you sure?" I squeaked.

Carrie's lower lip trembled, "Either that or I just pee'd my pants, but I'm going with my water breaking." Her eyes welled up with tears.

Wrapping my arms around her swollen body, I patted her back, my mind racing. "Don't worry. It's going to be fine," I assured her, hoping I wasn't lying. "Let's just get inside, okay?" I helped Carrie into the house. "Hey, at least we have power!"

Carrie wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Is your phone working?"

I dug it out of my pocket. "Um..." Walking around the kitchen, I held it towards the ceiling praying for little blue bars. "No. But I got service here all week, so..." I dropped off watching as she bent in half, holding on to the back of the kitchen chair. Thinking furiously, I started opening the kitchen cabinets.

"What are you looking for?"

"Pots. We need to boil water. They always boil water in the movies, so I'm going to boil water."

"Bottom right corner," she said rubbing her belly. "Please tell me you're a nurse or a doctor or even a vet."

I crouched down and dragged pots out of the cupboard. "No. I'm still a teacher."

"Biology?" Carrie asked hopefully.

"History," I said apologetically as I carried the pots to the sink. Filling them up, I looked out the window at the rain pounding the ground. Where were Henry and Todd? Setting the pots on the stove, I turned the burner on and straightened my shoulders. What's next? "Let's find you something dry and get you to bed."

"It's better for me to walk around, but I should probably change. I don't have any clothes here."

"I'm sure Henry has something." I ran upstairs to Henry's room. Opening a drawer, I pulled out a plain white t-shirt, lifting it to my nose and inhaling his scent. "Please hurry back," I whispered.

I ran back downstairs, almost tripping on the fourth step. Grabbing the railing, I forced myself to slow down. I made my way down the stairs and helped Carrie out of her wet clothes and into the shirt. It hugged her swollen stomach, falling close to her knees. Worried, I studied her. She was so tiny. "Carrie? What do you know about delivery?"
"I read a few books, but I never thought I'd need to remember it all. How about you?"

"I don't know nothin' about birthin' babies, Miss Scarlett."

Carrie groaned, "That was really bad."

"Another contraction?" I asked sympathetically.

"No. That joke," she said ruefully. "I'm really glad you're visiting. If you weren't here, I'd be all alone." She stood up walking slowly around the room. "Look, we'll probably need clean towels, some string and the kitchen shears."

I nodded, trying to keep from feeling faint. Between contractions, she told me everything she knew. I hoped it was enough as I began to make preparations, periodically checking my phone for service.

The air steamed from the four pots of water on the stove. Minutes turned into an hour. Our talking stilled until the whole world was ticks of the clock and pounding rain.

"I need to lay down," Carrie finally said.

We made our way to the bedroom off the kitchen. A wrought iron bed dominated the room. I'd already stripped it down to the bottom sheet and piled towels on top. The nightstand held scissors and string, soaking in rubbing alcohol.

I helped Carrie onto the bed, "Henry was telling me this bed was his great-grandmother's."

Carrie grunted as she shifted her weight.

"Yeah." I ran my fingers across the chipped paint, each dent exposing more layers of color, clashing and melding. "He said he wants to restore it, but hasn't found the time."

I adjusted the towels beneath Carrie. "His grandfather and great uncles were all born on this bed. So was his dad." I paused and looked straight into her eyes. "We may not know what we're doing, but this bed sure does."

This was a piece of fiction and the continued story of Henry and Ellie. It was inspired by The Red Dress Club prompt: Find something beautiful in something ugly. You can read more about Henry and Ellie, including Part 1 of The Storm at Fictional Mandylandy.

I hope you enjoyed it. Special shout out to my writing partner Ash who is the best proofreader, idea bouncer ever. Go. Read. You'll love her.

As usual, I am open to concrit. 

85 comments:

Varunner7 said...

So glad I got to come read installment 2 of the storm! I love how you tied the antique bed in.

MiMi said...

Girl. Hurry and get to the next part!!! :)

Barbara said...

Oh, Mandy!! Its such a tease! A request you write the whole episode and email to me immediately ;) teasing - very well done. I love part two.

My favorite part, oddly enough, is:
"The air steamed from the four pots of water on the stove."

There is something wonderful about this image, especially how it functions in the passage. It broke the tension from go-go-go into something softer, a meditative waiting that is just as tense, just experienced differently.

I love the idea that the bed is more ready than the people - brilliant!

:)

Elaine A. said...

I love that you are able to tie your story in with the prompts. And now I'm all nervous, wanting all to be well with Mommy and baby! Love that she's birthing on a bed where other babies have been born... :)

Mrs. Jen B said...

Oh! The bed is such a great touch! I adore the entire story but especially the way you wrapped this part up. So well done, I feel the strain and panic and even the attempts at breaking the tension with a bit of humor.

Now. Next part. I'm ready with my popcorn. ;-)

Andrea B. said...

Ooh! I love the bed! It comes to the rescue! That's excellent. Well done. I kind of think I need to go back and read the previous stuff so I can remind myself how they got there. ;) But great way of walking through the scenes up to getting her into bed before baby comes. Love it!

Mad Woman behind the Blog said...

Thank you my friend, thank you for continuing this story, telling it with humor, sharing with us the little details that make us feel present in the moment and for delighting us with the little surprises. Well done!

Amy said...

Damn word limit - I need more!!!! Well done, as usual, I LOVE the last line -the bed is perfect!

The JackB said...

Agreed, I loved the line about the bed.

Jessica said...

I hope there is more to this story...

The last line was my favorite.

Cheryl said...

Boiling water. Giggle! Tell them to turn up the heat as high as it can go and warm towels in the dryer. I am a wealth of knowledge about surprise home births!

What I really liked is your dialogue. It's very realistic, cracking jokes to ease the tension.

I also loved the idea of the bed. Well done, my friend!

Kelly G in ATX said...

I loved this piece last week and I love it even more this week! Great job Mandy. I can't imagine what it looked like before you had your writing partner look it over. I loved the bad GWTW joke, that was awesome!

Leighann said...

So wonderful. Especially how you ended it. I love a good ending that exceeds my expectations! I hope there is more!!

Ilana @ Mommy Shorts said...

I love how you've used the prompts to continue the story from last week. So clever! Carrie is remarkably composed. If I was her I would be freakin' out!

C.Mom said...

Every single detail just lures the reader in! I love the symbolism of the bed!

Renee said...

I love the bed knowing what to do.
I want the rest of the story.
Yes, I'm greedy that way.

Crayonwrangler said...

This sucks. Just plain out sucks. How dare you waste my time....and not finish this. Word count be damned...I need the end. I was right there watching them and you cut off the light. I don't care how many sleepless nights and burned dinners are in front of you...you MUST finish. Period. The End.

(In case you missed my sarcasm...I love you.)

tiarasandtrucks said...

I am so happy to read more of this story, and I adored the part about the bed knowing what to do.

Wonderful job building tension; I feel myself holding my breath for them both.

jessica said...

Are you kidding me? I could not read this fast enough because I wanted to get to the end and you left me hanging! How am I going to wait until next week?? How will I sleep tonight? Love this you crazy talented writer, you.

CDG said...

Boiling water. They do always boil water.

Also, the line about the bed is just genius.

Adding it to the "wish I'd written that" category.

Kelly said...

I'm so glad that you continued this story!!! Very, very good....I am anticipating this baby's arrival!!!!

Ash said...

Oh yeah, very nice :) Biology teacher? Awesome. Can't wait for the third installment!

Lisa said...

I am so going to keep coming back. I can't wait to see what happens in part 3. I'm headed back to read the other portions now.

I am so envious. I so want to work on my "novel" writing but am so intimidated by other's writing.

Jennie B said...

Fantastic. I'd read this book. And watch the movie.

Mandy said...

I flippin' love it! I need to know what happens! I'm so glad I happened upon your number twice in a row :D I'm subscribing because I need to know what happens next.

LOVE!

Melanie said...

So good. I especially loved the line "We may not know what we're doing, but this bed sure does." I love the conversation between the two women -- reveals so much of the emotion in the moment for both women. Me too - I'm ready for what's coming next. I look forward to it!

Mommylebron said...

Is it possible this even better than last week? You know a very small detail brought the story to life, and that was Ellie tripping on the stairs. But then? You went in threw in a GWtW reference and now I totally love you!

Pepca said...

I could feel all the emotion, wonderfully written!

Ratz said...

LOL... the ending was fabulous... "the bed sure does"

As before, this story gets on my nerves every single time... last time, it twisted my nerves and this time, i think i was labor myself. I can see that wrought iron bed and i sure hope it knows what it is capable of. I love this story Mandy. You are doing a good job.

Brandon said...

This was awesome! Great job, you! I'm reading this is a continuation... I missed a lot of last weeks posts... looks like I need to go back!

Jessicaanne said...

Oh yeah! So glad you continued this story, I'm hooked. Loved the GWTW reference and the bed at the end. Great job!

The Drama Mama said...

The fine details you weave into your story really help take your reader there. I had a bit of confusion for a moment understanding who said the line: "Henry was telling me this bed was his great-grandmothers". Ellie is visiting Carrie, so without clarification for me, it was a little confusing. A little back reading and I got it, LOL.

Also, thank you for the comment on my Reign of Fire. You can actually read more if you are interested in the tab at the top of the page labeled "The Unlikely Hero". (http://frommywriteside.blogspot.com/p/unlikely-hero.html)

Rebekah C said...

Lovely! Nothing like a new baby!

Karen @ Time Crafted said...

Mandy, I adore how you write your characters to life! I feel like I'm in the room with them, silently watching. I can't wait to see...er, um, I mean read what happens next! :>

Jenneethompson said...

This is really great! I love the movie references!

Kim said...

Thanks for stopping by at my blog. I perused through your blog and had a good read. Good writing is so hard to come by sometimes. Also, I tried to comment on your gardening post but for some reason blogher doesn't recognize me, even though I get an email from them at least daily. Congratulations on getting syndicated. I can see why.

Terri Sonoda said...

I gotta go back and read the first installment. Very good! Can't wait to read more. Love the detail.

From Tracie said...

I'm still loving this story!

While I was reading it, it occurred to me, that even after Lamaze classes, with my C-section delivery, I'm not sure that I would know how to deliver a baby either. Scary!

Part 3 please please please!

tmwhickman said...

Great post! I like your use of dialogue, and I want to know more about the characters!

Sherri said...

You do a great job with dialogue, which I think is very hard to do! I certainly wouldn't want to be in this storm giving birth!

Nichole said...

I love this, Mandy.
You have an amazing way with making your characters feel so real.

And I adore this image... "I ran my fingers across the chipped paint, each dent exposing more layers of color, clashing and melding."

mandyland said...

Every single time I continue this story, I think of you and your encouraging words that first week. I'm having so much fun with it now that I shudder to think they were nearly scrapped because of my own insecurities.

Thank you so very, very much.

mandyland said...

My husband thinks I should be writing screenplays rather than stories.

I don't have the heart to tell him, me and every other person in California. :)

mandyland said...

There's a whole series going on here. You can click on "Fictional Mandyland" and read them in order.

Thanks for stopping by!!

mandyland said...

Can I admit that I cheated? I called my single, hip sister and asked her what she would do.

Then, I thought back to both of my deliveries and realized I had no clue either.

Part 3 will be coming soon. Like Friday? :D

mandyland said...

I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!

mandyland said...

How funny! It took me a long time (and logging in under FB) for BlogHer to recognize me too. But I appreciate you going over and reading my post. I'm getting such a kick out of how many people are seeing it. Total thrill.

Thank you for reading. (And following!)

mandyland said...

You KNOW I had to do it. lol

mandyland said...

I'm so happy to hear you say that. You know, the story is alive for me. I "see" it in my head and then try to translate it into words. I always worry that I'll mess up the translation. This one, in particular, really had me worried. I thought it was too flat.

I think I nailed it, though.

Unless everyone's lying. In which case, keep lying!

mandyland said...

Nothing at all.

Thanks for stopping by!

mandyland said...

With the word count, I didn't know whether to recap or just hope everyone back read. I decided to hope. :)

I'm so happy that you enjoyed it and thank you for the link. TOTALLY going to read more.

mandyland said...

How could I NOT throw in a GWTW ref?

Thank you for reading!

mandyland said...

Get your rear back to Part 1. ;)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I hate to tell you, but if you keep reading these posts, before too long you'll be able to say that you've read a romance novel. Just warning you.

mandyland said...

Oh thank you!!!

That line is my favorite and a total afterthought. I think a Muse was wandering by on her way to bed or something. ;)

mandyland said...

Thank you!

And thanks for stopping by. :)

mandyland said...

I wish, I really, really wish I could take credit for that detail, but it was my fabulous writing partner's idea. Yes. She's THAT good.

I HAD to throw in the GWTW ref. HAD to.

mandyland said...

Yay! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and want to read more. :)

Thank you so much for stopping by and reading.

From Tracie said...

I would call that kind of cheating......"research"! ;-)

I feel much better to know that I'm not the only one who is clueless about childbirth. LOL.

Friday Friday. You always make me wait!

mandyland said...

First...I have to say you're awesome because you're a Mandy and we must stick together. (Are you an Amanda or just Mandy?)

Second...thank you!

mandyland said...

From your lips - errr fingers? - to a publisher's ear or eyes. Wow. The typing aspect really messes up that one.

Who do you picture as Ellie? I have an image in my head, but I haven't really described her too much yet. I'm curious how others see her.

mandyland said...

I'm so happy that you're going to be a repeat reader. :)

And this is not a novel or even a work in progress. It's a fun story that I'm continuing each week to help build my skills.

In other words, write.

mandyland said...

You? Are awesome. Did you see how many commentors loved that stair thing? All you, lady. (And you'd better believe I'm giving credit. I want everyone to be jealous of my writing partner.)

Thank you!!!

mandyland said...

You and me both! It's getting a little crazy. :)

mandyland said...

I think a Muse walked by on her way to bed. It was an afterthought little line that I ended up adoring.

And yes. They ALWAYS boil water.

mandyland said...

You are way too sweet! And umm...I'm going out of town next weekend. Not sure if I'm going to be able to post. I'll have to play it by ear.

*ducking under desk*

mandyland said...

Thank you so much. And thank you for coming by to read!!

mandyland said...

LOL

Watch out. I hear that they're thinking of CUTTING the word limit. Or that may just be an ugly rumor. If they do...this thing will drag out for months.

mandyland said...

I love that you're greedy. It makes me happy.

Thank you!!

mandyland said...

Thank you so, so much! I'm so glad you stopped by to read and enjoyed the story. :)

mandyland said...

In the first draft (700 words over) she had a whole freak-out scene before she finally calmed down.

Because, yeah. I'd totally freak too.

mandyland said...

There is more. If there's not, my stalker may up the ante. ;)

mandyland said...

Poor Ash had her work cut out for her. She had to hold my hand and tell me it was going to be okay. But she's pretty awesome like that.

She also ignored that I went over on the word count. LOVE that.

mandyland said...

Hold on. I'm just going to pop over to part 3 and add towels in the dryer. Good point. I would never have thought that the baby needed something warm to wrap up in.

How did you handle the cord? Did you cut it or did you wait until help arrived. Most importantly...did you BLOG it. ('Cause I need to read about it. I'm dying of curiosity.)

I love writing dialogue. To be honest, my first draft is usually 90% dialogue and then I go fill in with actions and descriptions. Which isn't a very efficient way of writing. :P

mandyland said...

I'm glad you liked it. There is totally going to be more. Until everyone (including me) is either sick or happy or both. :)

mandyland said...

Thanks!!

mandyland said...

The word limit is my kryptonite. (Don't say anything, but I totally went over by 100 or so words.)

Thank you so, so much for reading!

mandyland said...

Thanks, hon. You are too sweet. :)

mandyland said...

I just realized after reading your comment that the whole story - from the time she met Henry until now - has taken five weeks! FIVE! That's craziness.

mandyland said...

Uh-oh. I think your popcorn got cold. Sorry about that. ;)

All joking aside, thank you so much for all of your encouragment and kind words regarding this story. It really makes me feel good to know that people enjoy it.

mandyland said...

Thank you! I sure as heck hope that bed knows what it's doing!!

mandyland said...

I'm so glad you liked that! It was one of my favorite bits. In my head, I saw the scene and how quiet it gets while waiting for a baby. Everything is wrapped up in the moment. In each second, each contraction. The outside world just doesn't exist.

They're in such a tough situation that I really wanted to add some softness.

mandyland said...

I'm getting there!

mandyland said...

Thank you!

mandyland said...

So am I! Two kids and I'd still have no clue as to how to deliver a child unless I had Google at my beck and call.

Hmmm..."research". I like it. ;)

Sara said...

I agree with others about how real you make your characters feel. I like the interaction between these two women; it feels very natural. I also liked the ending and the story about the bed very much.