I stared at the rock wall in front of me. Finding a small ledge to my right, I dug my fingers around the rough protrusion, shifting my weight and heaving myself up another three inches. I leaned back slightly, feeling the rope tighten and pull on my harness. To my right, I could see a climber nimbly scaling his route. His body was a ballet of muscle and sinew working seamlessly to carry him to the top of this beginner's climb.
I was his photo negative.
Where he was grace, I was determination. I used my elbows, my knees, my feet and my hands to lift my body. Where he was speed, I was caution. I studied the rock face like a chessboard, plotting three moves ahead. Where he was light, I was heavy. I tested each hand hold, pressing my full weight on it in short bursts until I trusted it would hold me.
But I was climbing.
Nonathletic, chubby me was rock climbing.
I sang softly and focused on each step. The top seemed so far away, but not nearly as far as the bottom. One glance down had been enough. I kept my eyes glued to the few manageable feet around me. Halfway, I realized I'd made a tactical error.
My route ended. Not a single hand or foot hold remained. Looking further, I spied, a dozen feet away, a small ledge tempting me to take a chance. Below, my guardians stood ready if I gave up. Above, the finish urged me on.
Shouting a warning, I braced my feet against the rock and pushed off, swinging to the ledge. Landing with a thud against the wall, I scrambled to find purchase, trying to prevent my body from swinging back. I felt my bare skin scrape and bruise as I slid. Then, finally, my foot found the ledge.
I stopped for a moment, breathing heavily, heart thudding in my chest. Wiping first one shaking hand and then the other on my shorts, I continued to climb.
The climber reached the top in what seemed like minutes.
It took me over an hour.
As my hands found the flat surface of the top and I pushed and pulled myself into a standing position, a wide grin split my face. Taking a deep breath, I yelled at the top of my lungs. Before me, the vista stretched into the distance. Behind me, tougher routes beckoned more experienced climbers. Below me, far, far below, Melissa and Brian shared my joy.
I stood for a moment, breathing and smiling. And then...checking the top anchor one last time, I carefully walked to the edge of the cliff. I pulled on the rope, feeling the tautness and a slight pull back as Brian let me know that he was ready. I turned my back, taking small steps until I felt the gravel shift beneath my feet. I stepped back until I heard small stones fall. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my stomach. I took one final step and then...
I jumped.
This non-fiction post was inspired by The Red Dress Club RemembeRED prompt: give us a scene from your life that best illustrates your true self. And no, I'm not a rock climber, but I did try it. And loved every minute.And because today's Tuesday, I'm also reviewing DISH Network over at Makes Fun. Come on over and say hi.
63 comments:
I've only ever done climbing walls - you're way braver than me. Way to go - determination is where it's at.
That feeling of pushing oneself to try and do new things especially physical ones is so amazing. I was right there with you springing to that ledge. Good for you woman, it takes so much courage.
Perfection.
This is on my bucket list. I think I need to get a move on it so I'll still be able to haul myself up over the cliff.
I loved your description of an activity I'd love to get my middle aged bottom heavy self back into. I felt like I was right there next to you.
I did some ropes course work like this a million years ago, a chubby twentysomething harnessed and sweating, but hell-bent on doing it.
I still have a leaf I picked from 40 feet up in a tree tucked in with a picture of my harnessed self.
I love this, and I love the sense of you behind the memories.
Well done.
FRICKIN AWESOME! I LOVE knowing this about you! So when do we meet up in Yosemite? Facing that granite gave me a new appreciation for both the strength of the stone and the strength hiding within me. I sense you felt that too.
And how you wove this story, up that face: perfection!
this was AMAZING and it shows how determined you are, willing to try new things and push yourself to the limit. I loved every single line!!! YEA You!
That was awesome! Loved the way you described the whole experience. I can't believe you jumped. Very cool.
Really really great. I love how descriptive you were.
I have always wanted to do this.
I love that you did.
And now I know you better, too.
This is great! You got balls though, cuz no way would I climb anything other than stairs. :)
Oh my goodness. I loved this piece. I can truly see you through it and I absolutely envy your moxie. Seriously. Loved it. Well written, well worded and a perfect insight to what you experienced, and, I assume, what you experience on other levels as well. I'm sitting here applauding you and wishing I had the strength to do something like this. And this line? "Nonathletic, chubby me was rock climbing." Touched me in a way I cannot even begin to try to explain. Bravo!
Wow. I felt like I was on that rock face with you. Your determination calming me. You certainly 'showed' me your experience! Fantastic! :>
That was awesome! I could really picture you there--it made me want to try climbing.
I was right there with you and I didn't unclench my jaw through the whole thing. Amazing work girl, the writing and the climb! I love that every bit of this is about you and only you. Claiming your strength and your fierceness. I felt empowered just reading it.
Amazing! Both the writing and the climbing! I was right there, tensed until you made it to the top - grinning wide when you did, proud for your achievement, gut dropping when you jumped. You are fierce - truly awe-inspiring. Thank you for sharing your fierceness!
I loved this, Mandy. You did a fantastic job. Such a great metaphor for achieving your goals, even if it doesn't look pretty. I felt the same way when I finished my marathons. It was ugly, it was slow, but I walked the same footsteps as the elite runners and we all crossed the same finish line.
And I loved the part about swinging over to the ledge. Bruised, but you did it. Awesome.
You really have a knack for detail. Every bit was interesting and made me feel the moment exactly.
And now i want to rock climb...
Eep! I'm so deathly afraid of heights I could never do it! Your detail was exquisite. My favorite line? "I was his photo negative." So simple, but so explanatory. Great post!!
That was the whole reason I did it. I was afraid of heights and, when Brian offerred to take us climbing, thought it would be a good way to "cure" myself.
FYI - It was fun, but I'm still leery of heights unless I'm attached by a rope and metal anchors to the surface. lol
I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!
Writing this post makes me want to go again. I have a feeling I'd be even more inept considering it's been 15 years!
Thank you. I've always wanted to run a marathon. Sadly, my body doesn't believe in running. It's not exactly made for it. But I think that sense of accomplishment is the same no matter how you push yourself - especially when it's something you never thought you'd be able to do.
And yeah...the whole post, while true, is a metaphor for my life. I never seem to be able to find the graceful way or have all the skills neccessary, but, even though it may not be pretty, I keep plugging along. :)
Thank you! I've never thought of myself as fierce. Hmmm...I think I like it. :)
That is so awesome! Thank you. I wanted to write something that was not only an experience but all showed how I approach life. I'm a bit stubborn and I refuse to give up. Which is a good thing. Sometimes. ;)
I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!
Thank you so, so much. I have to admit I was worried that I wasn't going to "show". I'm glad it came through. :)
When I forced my husband to read this, I told him it was an "onion" post with layers. I'm not sure all the layers come through, but I'm glad you caught them.
Things don't often come easy for me. I always feel like I missed a class somewhere along the way. But it doesn't stop me for trying - even if it takes a while.
And yeah...for someone who struggles with her weight on a regular basis, there's something extra satisfying about rock climbing.
C'mon! If someone walked up to you and offerred you a free shot at climbing a wall, you would totally do it. Especially if it was a cute guy. ;)
I'm glad I did it. Not sure if I'll ever get the chance again. :)
Thank you!
I made down in less than two minutes, and it was my favorite part. lol
Thank you!! I'm always willing to give a new thing a try. Of course, not everything ends up being as much fun. Whitewater rafting comes to mind. lol
There's something about the rock. I don't know what it is, but for years after, whenever I went hiking, it was the rock that I depended on.
That is awesome. I've always wanted to do a ropes course. My sister did a zip line tour in the jungles of Mexico and said it was a similar experience.
I'd love to go back. I keep telling my husband that we need to go to the local climbing gym just so he can experience it.
Lady, you'll be able to haul yourself up for years yet. lol
Thank you. It was a feeling that has stayed with me.
Afterwards, I haunted the climbing walls. I'd love to try again. It was so much fun and such a feeling of accomplishment.
Oh I loved this so!!! You are such an incredible writer!
Wow. Such a powerful post!! I love the way you spoke of the differences btwn you and the other climber. Beautiful.
My favorite line, "The top seemed so far away, but not nearly as far as the bottom." so true about life!!
This was amazing.
Great post -- just became your tweep -- and, my fave line? I was his photo negative. :)
Great writing and oh you are so brave! I could never do this!
This was perfect. I think we would be great friends.
what a great visual of determination!! I have never rock climbed, but you did a great job taking me with you. Breathless, not wanting to look down, hoping and wishing to get to the top. Really really great sensory detail!!
Love this! I'm good with lots of things, but rock climbing freaks me out. Total accomplishment, and what a great moment to share.
Your language here is great. The photo negative piece is especially effective.
LOL...oh yes my "adventures" with both were ONE NIGHT STANDS...it was ok, but I'm not doing that again. ;)
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What is Real?
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." - from the Velveteen Rabbit by M Williams
Something I've never tried but would have loved to. The way you described your climbing style; yeah, that would've been me.
I really need to get out more and push myself! I'm not athletic by any means... maybe I should start with an indoor rock wall though!
Congrats on the climb though. It's a great accomplishment and shows how strong and determined you are!
This is so beautifully written I was right there with you. I was in tears when you reached the top! We all need something to strive for and it is an awesome feeling to accomplish it. Great job!
Amazing story friend. Thank you for sharing your moment. Such strength and determination!
Thanks for stopping by my blog with you lovely comments! Look forward to reading more by you.
Thank you! I think it may have also shown stubborness? lol
Thank you so much! I have to admit, sometimes the accomplishments of today are a little paler than then, but no less important. After all, feeding the children is HUGE. :)
After writing this post I told my husband I wanted our next date night to be at a rock wall. I'm so out of shape, it's laughable, but it'd be fun.
Knees and elbows and scrambling? Yeah...it wasn't pretty, but I got to the top. Thank you for reading!
Thank you so much! It was a fantastic moment and one that I don't want to wither away in the recesses of my mind. :)
I'm so glad you were able to visualize the climb. I always struggle between showing too much and not showing enough. A total balancing act, you know?
I agree. :)
The climb was actually easier than the jump at the end. It was better than a roller coaster. :)
Thank you for reading!!
I love my tweeple! Thanks for stopping by and reading. :)
When I was driving home from work, this post started spinning in my head. It's both a great memory and also a metaphor for my life. I'm not entirely sure that came out, but if not, you're one of the few that caught it. :)
Thanks for reading.
Thank you so, so much!
What a great story! Rock climber or not, if you practice that kind of determination and strength in life, you will go far!
Even if I end up scraped, bruised and not very graceful. :)
Thank you for reading.
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