Employee Handbook Addition

I believe that the Employee Handbook needs to include two new items:

How to Survive a Mountain Lion Attack

Recently, while talking to a co-worker, we looked out the window to see either a Mountain Lion or Bobcat walking down the hillside.  We did not get close enough to be able to tell which it was.  For the last week, I've kept my eyes peeled while walking around the parking lot.  I know how cats work.  They hide under a couch or chair or table or, in this case, car, and then leap out at you as you walk by.

From what I've read, the key to surviving a mountain lion "encounter" is to a) look bigger than you are - easy since I'm just now starting the Great Weight Release of 2010 and b) back slowly away, making a lot of noise and staring this creature in the eyes.  In other words, how you would typically escape a tantrum-throwing toddler.

How to Survive a Turkey Attack

To be honest, the windows are in more danger than the people.  Turkeys are everywhere at work, pecking at their reflections in the windows.  They're more humorous than their feline neighbors, but if you've ever seen The Birds, it's a good idea to be prepared.

Hmmm...after googling "how to survive a turkey attack", it appears that no one is worried about being attacked by wild turkeys.  Attacks by zombies, however is prominent on the search list.  I should probably tell Alex.