Top Ten

I know. I know. I'm seriously behind in my posting. It just seems the busier Mandyland gets, the fewer opportunities I have for blogging. Don't worry...I'll be caught up soon! In the meantime, since I'm in my 36th week of pregnancy, I bring you...

Top Ten Things I Will Not Miss About Being Pregnant

10. Heartburn - I long for the day when I can eat rice crispies without a Tums chaser.

9. My Feet - The rounded little stubs at the bottom of my legs cannot be my feet. My feet are on vacation somewhere, maybe buried in warm sand or soaking in a footbath.

8. Weekly Doctors Appointments - Because, you know, there's nothing more fun than weekly exams, unless it's...

7. Weekly Weight Gain - No matter how much or how little I eat, I can't keep that scale from going up. And if I hear "Oh dear" from the nurse one more time, I will not be responsible for my actions.

6. Pregnancy Insomnia - Once I get comfortable, I'm fine. But right around 4:00 a.m., I need to use the bathroom. From 4 to around 6, I'm awake, mind racing with random thoughts such as, "How did Megan Fox's pants stay so white during the final battle in Transformers 2?"

5. Two-Year-Old's Bladder - Every twenty minutes sees me waddling towards the bathroom. While camping, after my fourth trip of the evening, Chad finally had to comment with "Do you seriously need to go again?!"

4. Lack of Balance - Even walking down the sidewalk seems to require a depth of concentration usually reserved for making one's way across a tightrope. Blindfolded. Carrying triplets. Who are juggling bowling balls.

3. Lack of Air - I *gasp* can't seem to go *gasp* five feet without *gasp* sounding like I just completed *gasp* a marathon. *pant pant*

2. Inability to Touch the Ground - This may not seem like a big deal, but when you have a three-year-old, everything ends up on the ground. I can't bend over and pick up the Hot Wheel that is threatening to impale my foot and if I squat, there's a good chance I won't be able to get back up. I'm left with an awkward sideways, half squat, half bend move that looks as graceful as a hippo in a tutu.

1. My Absent Mind - When I got pregnant with Joseph, I lost a good portion of my memory...permanently, I believe. Now, I've lost almost double that. This is not a good situation. It's...shoot...I forgot where I was going with this thought.