Four Christmases

Time is a funny thing. To paraphrase the Doctor, a second can be an eternity and year a heartbeat. It's been four Christmases since Chad and I separated. Four years of learning and growing and dividing. Whereas before we shared everything - hopes, dreams, fears - now we share nothing but custody.

And I'm okay.

I'm actually better than okay.

The crazy vision I had of he and I co-parenting has, somehow, become a reality. *knock on wood* I've been able to let go of anger and disappointment and focus on building a friendship with the father of my children. I came to a realization very early on there was no way for me not to be his friend. I can't share the highs and lows of parenthood with an acquaintance or someone I can barely stand. They are a part of him, a part of me, and I had to figure out, somehow, a way, to quote Elsa, let it go.

Recently I was asked to contribute on a co-parenting segment of VProud. I was asked what my best tip was for other parents in this situation. I told them to keep expectations low, to communicate, to remember who is important in the equation.

The thing is, though, it's not easy. I think back to how badly I hurt four years ago and how much I wanted him to hurt. I remember how my pen hovered over the "full custody" box on my divorce paperwork. I remember how easy it would have been to cut him out of my life completely - and to try to cut him out of their lives.

You're now scratching your heads in confusion. What about all the "personal journey" stuff I posted? The hopes I expressed that he'd find happiness as would I. Even then, I knew that the only way to make my ideal divorce a reality was to fake it until I made it. I knew I couldn't fall into the bashing, destructive cycle that would ultimately make all of us victims. And I knew I didn't want this experience to define who I am, who my kids are.

Writing the post for VProud, filming the video, and then participating as a panelist on HuffPost Live has all been an amazing experience. I listened as other moms spoke of their co-parenting techniques. I shared some of mine. I know my story is weird. I know people think I'm odd for continuing to push forward as a family, expanding it to include new love interests. I know I'm not normal. We're not normal. And maybe we're not taking the easy road.

But I'm glad this is the one I'm on.