He wasn't always so loud. No...there has been a gradual increase in volume and frequency that has evolved into the current situation that has me contemplating spousicide.
The worst, the very worst part, is how oblivious he is when I
"What?!"
"You're snoring."
"Oh."
"You need to stop. Your life depends on it."
"What?"
"Stop snoring."
"Okay." He immediately falls asleep and I'm treated once again a nasal symphony. I know he can't help it. I've done the research. Snoring is caused by the narrowing of the airway. I realize that there are a lot of factors - weight, caffeine, medication, weather, sinus problems - that are possible contributors to Chad's snoring. I realize that my frustrations are normal and understandable.
But that doesn't help when I'm lying next to a human chainsaw.
He's tried nose strips. He's tried different sleep positions. He's been kicked out to the couch. Although that solution came with a host of new problems when his snoring in the living room woke up Joseph who ran into my room, upset about a monster in the house.
Yes. It's that bad.
Which is why I'm stymied at Chad's disbelief that he's that loud. I tried to explain it to him.
"Imagine lying next to someone, trying to sleep, when all of a sudden she sighed and yelled 'Pineapple!' Then continued to sigh and yell at 15 second intervals. Except, every sixth or seventh time when she just sighs and you think you're going to finally be able to sleep but then she yells pineapple again."
"I don't understand what pineapple have to do with anything."
"Pineapple symbolizes the random nature of the snore."
"I would think that if she yelled pineapple she might need to be checked out for something else."
The man should marvel at my restraint.
In the meantime, I'm researching various "cures". I think I'm going to look into buying Chad a didgeridoo. Apparently, a British study indicated that it helps reduce snoring. Chad's been looking for a new hobby anyway.
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