Sweet Baby Girl

A year ago tonight, I woke up, my body cramping in pain.

A year ago tonight, I timed the contractions and waited to wake Chad.  We drove, bleary-eyed and exhausted to the hospital and then...

A year ago tomorrow, I lay in a delivery room, screaming in pain.  My stomach tightening and squeezing while a strong little girl fought her way into the world.

A year ago tomorrow, I released my fear of surgery and calmly signed consent papers.  I took a deep breath and tried to ease my pounding heart and swallow the ball of nerves in my throat.

A year ago tomorrow, I anxiously awaited the doctor's announcement while Chad and the anaesthesiologist compared cell phones.  I held my breath and kept my gaze on the masked figure working over me.

A year ago tomorrow, I saw a baby, slimy and screaming, emerge from my womb.  I saw her raised above me and heard her screech her displeasure.  I looked at her, with tears in my eyes and said, "She's so beautiful."

A year ago tomorrow, I met my darling baby girl.  One look into her eyes and I feel so hard in love that I'll never be able to fall out.  I held a bundle of sweet pink and white and breathed in her baby scent.  I showed her to her big brother and felt the pride of motherhood as he solemnly looked into her unblinking eyes.  I kissed her soft, downy head.  I kissed her sweet little fingers.  I unwrapped one of the greatest gifts of my life and studied her skinny little legs and arms and whispered, "Don't worry, sweetheart. I know how to fatten up babies."

A year ago tomorrow, I embarked on the insanity of a new baby.  I went to sleep in a world of easy bedtimes and awoke into a land of no rest.  A land sometimes hard, but never barren.  A lush land filled with loving friends and family who helped us ease our way.  We laughed our way through diapers and feedings and spit ups, confident in our roles as Veteran Parents.  We fell asleep sitting up.  We ate cold dinners.  We lost track of hours, days and weeks.  We raised our voices in frustration.  And sometimes, we cried.  We tumbled headlong into the maelstrom that is having an infant in the house.  And then we emerged.  Whole and strong.

A year ago tomorrow, I gave birth to a daughter, named for a queen. I gave birth to a princess, cherished and adored by her court.  I gave birth to an angel who's giggles bring laughter to my heart and who's smiles brighten my day.

A year ago tomorrow, I held in my arms, a miracle.