Good Night, Sweetheart

As I held Joseph in my arms, I softly whispered the lullaby I sang to him every night when he was a baby.

"Good night, sweetheart, now it's time for bed.
Good night, sweetheart, time to rest your head."

His head rested heavily on my arm.  His long legs fell across my lap and dangled towards the floor.  His little-boy face relaxed as his toothpaste-scented breaths rasped across my face.  His hand rubbed my arm.

"I hate to leave you, but I really must go.
Good night, sweetheart, I love you so."

I swayed back and forth, memorizing this moment.  His beautiful blue eyes stared into my own brown as he whispered, "Why are you rocking me like a baby?"

"Because you're getting bigger every day and one day soon you're not going to want me to hold you."

"I'll always want you to hold me."

How I wish that were true!

"It's eight o'clock in the evening and it's time to sleep.
It's eight o'clock baby,
I don't mean maybe.
Hush now, not a peep."

I can hardly believe that this is the same baby as the one I held with such care in the hospital.  I can hardly believe this is the same little baby that I carried on one hip.  I can hardly believe this is the same little boy who toddled naked across the yard while the summer sun heated his wading pool.  I can hardly believe this is the same little boy who cried "boat" when we drove by the dealership until I had to stop to let him run around and look his fill.  I can hardly believe this is the same little boy.

"Good night sweetheart, Mommy loves you so.
Good night sweetheart, oh she hates to go."

The days pass in a blur of work, preschool, tee ball practice, breakfast, lunch, dinner, story time, movies, trips to visit family, trips to the Barn, trips to the park, trips to the library, trips, trips, trips.  The sun rises and sets before I get a chance to take a breath.  Weeks fly by; months disappear into the past.  And every day, every single day, Joseph gets bigger, older, stronger.

"I hate to leave you, please sleep tight.
Good night sweetheart.  Good night."

I kissed the top of his head, breathing in his scent.  I kissed his cheeks, his eyelids, his nose, his mouth, his chin. He giggled.  "You're covering me in kisses!"

"That's what mommies do."

"I like your kisses.  Can you kiss me all day and all night?"

How I wish I could!

Humming, I rocked him for a few minutes more until my arm started to go numb, his breathing slowed and his eyes drooped.  I rocked him until my arm ached and his head fell heavily against me.  I kissed him one more time on top of his head and then shifted him into bed.  I tucked the covers around his shoulders, the way he likes.

"Good night, sweetheart," I whispered next to his ear. "I love you."

"Good night, Mommy.  I love you," he murmmered, half asleep.

When he wakes up tomorrow, he'll be four.  Can someone please freeze time?  Just until I can catch my breath?